We’ve got a delicious new lot of products for you this month. They’re all EXCLUSIVE Firebox Creations, dreamt up in the mad brains of our top product designers. Allow us to walk you through our latest and greatest.
Take a little corner of your desk to Great Exuma, Bahamas, with our Fyre Festival Terrarium. Complete with just about every detail you can think of, this glass tank is the closest you'll ever get to mingling in the crystal clear waters and eating the world’s finest cheese sandwiches with Gigi Hadid.
Every tiny little nook of this luxury terrarium comes together to complete a flawless snapshot of the world's most iconic island festival. Who wouldn’t want a little slice of paradise perched prettily on their coffee table?
This luxurious snowglobe is a cut above the rest, with a realistic depiction of our planet and glittery snowflakes that gently fall when you shake it up.
Why are you making that face?
The Earth is flat. Oh no, you’re not one of those Globeheads, are you? You poor thing. We can’t believe you actually believe the world is round. Next you’ll be telling us that tap water is safe to drink and we actually landed on the moon.
Lacking a little something? That je nais se quois, the quiet self-assurance that you have a mighty member lurking in your undercrackers.
That swagger can now be yours. All you have to do is sip our brand new patent-pending Big Dick Energy drink for INSTANT well-endowed confidence. It’s not just the caffeine, but a secret blend of ego-boosting properties, and a strawberry-flavoured anti-growth ingredient to keep that newfound BDE under control. Go forth and be the most effortlessly cool person you know.
Our lord and saviour RuPaul is BALD and it’s up to YOU to do something about it. Fill his gorgeous terracotta head with chia seeds and then put your feet up (binge a few seasons of Drag Race, perhaps) and wait a week or two for those sickening sprouts to emerge.
He’ll be sporting a lush, verdant afro in no time. It’s even styleable, if you feel up to the task. Good luck, and don’t fuck it up, or you’ll be sashaying away faster than you can say ‘chia up, sweetie’.
But wait, there's more!
These are not the first brilliant ideas we've ever had, and they certainly won't be the last.
Which is why from now on we're going to be sharing the best idea we've come up with every week on our social channels.
From genius stuff to the odd bit of nonsensical whimsy, you’ll be the first to see the brain eggs we’ve laid - providing you follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, that is.