5 Cheeky Penis Themed Presents

  • 3 min read

Dicks. Dongs. Pricks. Cocks. An endless source of amusement.

Not THAT sort of amusement, get your mind out of the gutter.

These willy good gifts will put a smile on anyone’s face, if they have anything resembling a sense of humour. Best save these for mates and not bosses or grandparents. We’d rather you didn’t get fired/disowned.


Penis Hot Water Bottle

Sometimes, you’ve just got to get in bed with a big dick. Especially when it’s frosty and dark outside.

Instead of trawling Tinder for a cold night cuddle buddy, just slosh a load of hot water into this marvellous member and dive into bed with him for hours of hot, cosy action.

He’s not much of a talker but an amazing listener and he’ll do anything to keep you warm for as long as you need him. He would never leave you on read. If he happens to spill on your sheets, he won’t make you sleep in the wet patch. Sounds like a bit of a dream man to us, but maybe our standards are a bit bare min.

Dickhead Hoopla

Who’s up for messing about with a couple of dickheads? Wait, come back, we meant hoopla!

This naughty twist on everyone favourite classic party game is dickloads of immature fun. Simply attach one of the penises to your forehead with the comfy provided strap and go mad trying to catch the rings with your new phallic horn.

This game is a match made in heaven for stag and hen parties, but our favourite occasion to bust it out is a funeral, when everyone could do with a bit of cheering up.

Dick Match

Remember when games used to be simple - like Snap? Snap was wicked. Everyone understood the rules. It was quick to set up and play. Yeah, it was a little bit vanilla, but beggars can't be choosers… OR CAN THEY?

You can do all the naughty choosing you want at Firebox, starting with a game of snap as lewd as your heart desires. Like this box of Dick Match! Pair up the matching dicks as fast as you can to be crowned queen of cock the winner. (Or should we say… the wiener?)

Luckily each of these fabulous phalluses is super memorable in their own right, from the majestic Dreamsicle to the sweet, shy little Piglet. Awww.

Grow A Dick

If we had a passive aggressive gift section, this botanical number would be the jewel in its crown. This is the ultimate way to tell someone to grow up - or the ultimate gift for people with a fab sense of humour and a penchant for spicy food, depending on how you want to look at it.

The chillies you grow with this kit are actually shaped like dicks. Not just phallic but with an actual bellend. And as if that wasn’t amazing enough, they’re completely organic and they taste brilliant, adding a fiery homegrown kick to any of your lucky recipient’s meals.

Big Dick Energy

Need a boost in the charisma department? Lacking that well-endowed swagger? We have the cure. Big Dick Energy, bottled. Well, canned. Close enough.

Okay, so this one isn’t real. A company can dream, can’t they?!


Aren’t these cheeky enough for you? Good grief, you are a naughty one, aren’t you! Have a look at our other NSFW bits, hopefully we’ve got something depraved enough to suit you.

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