Well well well, if it isn’t the zodiac’s favourite pair of 69-ing fish. That’s you, Pisces, in case you weren’t aware. Hopefully someone will get you a new symbol for your birthday, those horny trouts are a bit weird.
Let's start with your good bits - you're pretty damn creative. Whether it’s music, art, or the way you like to tell the barista your name is something wacky like Ariana Grande as a her-larious joke. These futuristic fineliners should keep you busy for a while, whether that means doodling your wildest dreams or just building a weird little gazebo for your paperclip collection.
Of course, every horoscope is 100% True And Accurate, but even the biggest skeptic can't deny that you Pisces are pretty bloody compassionate. A bit like one of these. Everyone’s had a good cry in the car before, if you dish a couple of those bad boys out to your mates then you can always be there for them at their lowest moments. Speeding ticket? There you are. Drive-thru got their order wrong? You’re right there to cheer them up. Or make some of your friends’ faces for your own car, it’s about time they pulled their weight.
It’s your birthday soon, you deserve a bit of a sesh. A sparkly, big deal kinda sesh. An all-about-you sesh, for once in your kind, caring, Pisces life. May we recommend treating yourself to a bottle of Mermaid Tears? It's glittery, blue, and a little bit decadent - sure to impress your mates and make them glad you invited them over instead of schlepping to some overpriced overcrowded bar.
That's yer lot, Pisces.
Aaand so you other star signs don't feel left out...