Firebox Horoscopes: Pisces 2019

  • 2 min read

Well well well, if it isn’t the zodiac’s favourite pair of 69-ing fish. That’s you, Pisces, in case you weren’t aware. Hopefully someone will get you a new symbol for your birthday, those horny trouts are a bit weird.

Let's start with your good bits - you're pretty damn creative. Whether it’s music, art, or the way you like to tell the barista your name is something wacky like Ariana Grande as a her-larious joke. These futuristic fineliners should keep you busy for a while, whether that means doodling your wildest dreams or just building a weird little gazebo for your paperclip collection.

Of course, every horoscope is 100% True And Accurate, but even the biggest skeptic can't deny that you Pisces are pretty bloody compassionate. A bit like one of these. Everyone’s had a good cry in the car before, if you dish a couple of those bad boys out to your mates then you can always be there for them at their lowest moments. Speeding ticket? There you are. Drive-thru got their order wrong? You’re right there to cheer them up. Or make some of your friends’ faces for your own car, it’s about time they pulled their weight.

Fresh Face

It’s your birthday soon, you deserve a bit of a sesh. A sparkly, big deal kinda sesh. An all-about-you sesh, for once in your kind, caring, Pisces life. May we recommend treating yourself to a bottle of Mermaid Tears? It's glittery, blue, and a little bit decadent - sure to impress your mates and make them glad you invited them over instead of schlepping to some overpriced overcrowded bar.

That's yer lot, Pisces.

Aaand so you other star signs don't feel left out...


Your 'classic' impulsiveness and impatience have earned you an exquisite new nickname at work.


The stars reckon you'll be revisiting the past this month. Not old trauma and boring stuff though, just fun stuff like this.


Stubborn and bullish as usual. If being argumentative ever starts to get boring - just give this faux avocado (afauxcado?) a squeeze and feel the red mist dissipate.


Hey, lion. It's a frugal month ahead, so save on the cost of a flight to Africa to restage your favourite Disney film with a little help from one of these.


Don't leave your inner twin behind when you're rocking out around the house, that's our advice.


According to the cosmos, Virgos make excellent Deliveroo drivers. Make of that what you will.


It's time to broaden your horizons for once. Break out of the mould. Take up a new hobby. Try 100 different cheeses. That kind of thing.


You're going to go nuts this month. Literally. Mmm, healthy fats.


Elvis Presley, Stephen Hawking, Muhammad Ali - all fucking amazing capricorns. You're seriously letting the side down.


Your passwords need more numbers and capital letters.


It was your horoscope last month, you greedy pig!

Looking for more ideas? Head this way for more birthday gifts that aren't necessarily precision-matched to your astral body.

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