There’s a dick on our website. You may have seen him, he’s pretty big. We’re talking 12 inches here. And don’t even get us started on the girth. Unhuman levels of circumference. Literally.
Don’t worry, this mysterious member isn’t real. His name is Pierre and he’s just a pretty little plush. Well, not that little really given his mighty measurements. See, he’s actually quite massive.
That doesn’t stop him being cuddly. Bet you can’t say you’ve ever cuddled a giant penis before, can you? Please don’t answer that one.
Pierre is surprisingly squishy. Then again, he’s probably meant to be a plush depiction of a flaccid penis, so it’s not an inaccurate feature. It also helps to explain his chodey proportions. Doesn’t tell us much about why he’s got eyes though.
Pop him in your basket to add a naughty bit of niceness to your day. Come home to cuddle him, or have him on display in the living room for a saucy conversation starter. “Hey, man. What’s with the cock cushion?”
Or take him on holiday with you! It’s the only way to get your dick out in a foreign country without being thrown in jail for indecent exposure.
Here he is about to take a ride - get it? - on New York’s iconic subway system. Pity that’s not 69 Street Station, eh.
He sometimes dabbles in street art - he goes by the name of Wanksy, for those in the know.
Most penises slide into your DMs unsolicited, Pierre just slides.
He’s a bit of a swinger, too.
Don’t have such a dirty mind, it’s all good clean fun.
He’s the most erudite erection we know.
Get your hands (oo-er) on your own Pierre the Penis Pillow and take some alternative dick pics this Valentine’s Day. Of the pillow, just to clarify.