Much as we love them, all partners manage to get on our tits now and again. Particularly when they do THESE things.
Covering the bed in clothes
You’re knackered. It’s the end of the day. You suffered through an agonising two minutes of tooth brushing. You’re ready to fall into a deep coma for 8 hours before another shattering day resumes. Mmm, bed. Lovely, cosy, comfy, warm, soft, snuggly bed.
But wait. It’s covered in stuff. Clothes. Make up. Books. Random junk. There’s no way you can get into bed with this mighty pile stacked high on top of the duvet. You’re forced to jettison your partner’s belongings onto the floor, creating a tasty trip-hazard and the bedroom ambience of a ransacked crime scene.
Of course, all this huffing and puffing puts you in a suboptimal mood for sleeping. You finally hit the pillow and all you can think about is precisely how you plan to have a go at them.
Guilty of this one? Time to apologise. It’s hard to be grumpy with a gob full of strawberries and cream chocolate.
Leaving hair everywhere
Stray hairs. Everywhere.
Which ones are more annoying, the long ones that stick to your clothes and get tangled into weird spidery little balls in the washing machine, or the manky curly little short ones that evoke a visceral disgust deep within you for reasons you don’t understand?
They’re both pretty bad, but we’re going to vote for the short ones being worse. They’re completely innocent little body hairs to the rational mind but, upon first inspection, they have the effect of looking like a sprinkling of loose pubes. Always pleasant to find a few of those on your pillow.
And don’t even get us started on people leaving their beard trimmings all around the rim of the sink. Fuzzy fellas, we’re looking at you. Sort it out.
Leaving the kitchen a state after cooking
“I’ll cook!” they said. “No, no, just put your feet up.” they said. HA. Dream on.
They may have cooked you a delicious meal, but your sated glow will be cut short upon entering the kitchen. Chaos. Carnage. Whatever happened to the rule of cleaning up as you cook?
No, instead you’re stuck with the task of cleaning up the disaster. Did they really have to use every bowl in the house just to prepare a frozen pizza? Where have all the knives gone? And WHAT is that stain on the wall? Get your marigolds on and prepare for an evening of scrubbing. We hope you’ve got a dishwasher or your elbows are going to be thoroughly greased out. So much for a relaxing evening.
Whether you’re the naughty chef or the exasperated cleaner, make sure you’ve got some of these in the house for after the ordeal. Either as an apology, or as an incentive for you to bother loading the dishwasher.
Filling the car with stuff
All you wanted to do was drive to work, but the entire car smells like McDonald’s and apple Tango. Weird. You wonder why. Perhaps it’s the seven burger boxes, nine cardboard cartons of fries - some fries still present, and the peculiar stain underneath an empty bottle of apple Tango. And that’s just the passenger seat. You don’t even wanna know what’s in the side compartment door pocket thing.
If you can fight through the jungle of trash, clothes, tennis rackets, stray lip balms, wellies, dog accessories, and whatever else your partner has managed to hoard in their vehicle, you might be able to get to your destination.
Does your car sound like the above? Get your sweetheart one of these and they might be willing to forget all the times you indirectly made them smell like soggy chips when they were on their way to an important meeting. Just remember to put the box in the bin, rather than in the backseat, yeah?
Taking ages to choose what they want for dinner
If we got a quid for every time the joy of going out for dinner was ruined by endless deliberation, we’d have enough money to book a Michelin starred five course meal for two.
They KNOW what the options are. They know the restaurants nearby. You’ve got a choice of Italian, Mexican, fish and chips, Chinese, Indian, Thai or fried chicken. Now pick one. And then pick a restaurant within that category. It’s not. That. DIFFICULT.
But apparently it is, because they fancy pizza but they’re trying to eat more veggies and they’re not sure if Pizza Express will fulfil that criteria, could do Zizzi but that’s pricier than the others and they won’t do 50/50 toppings, Prezzo is always there but they don’t know if they can handle that level of stodge right now, and ASK is an option but it’s further away than the others and they don’t know if they can be arsed with the trek.
For goodness’ sake, it’s just tomato sauce and cheese on dough. Pick one or it’ll be oven pizzas for tea. Just don’t let them do the cooking, or you’ll spend your evening getting very familiar with the scrubbing brush and resident gunk in the tile grout.
This one is seriously annoying, so those who put up with this vexing behaviour deserve a big thank you. A big boozy thank you. Pour ‘em a neat glass on the rocks and watch their irritation dissipate before your very eyes.