Christmas is all about
warm, joyful times with your family. THE PRESENTS.
It sounds slightly cynical but deep down you know it to be true. If no one gets a decent present you might as well cancel Christmas and skip to the part where you're all comatosed on the sofa.
Between now and Christmas we'll be posting regular gift guides to ensure you give (and hopefully receive!) some exciting presents on the day.
You can't go wrong with a boozy gift. Start the day right and get merry with a swig of mythical Christmas spirit. We've infused our signature Unicorn Tears Gin with the rich and heady flavour of Christmas pudding. Don't ask us how, just know that many unicorns were deeply traumatised in the process.
Polaroid cameras might look cool, (they do, they look very cool) but most of the photos come out disappointingly bad - especially when they cost around £2 a pop! Capture your Christmas with KiiPix instead; just place your smartphone atop this minimalist device and turn your favourite pics into beautiful, physical retro-style masterpieces. No batteries required either!
Any excuse not to wear one of those shitty paper crowns. Give the paws a squeeze and their ears prick up - just think of the endless comedy opportunities. "Say that again in my good ear" etc etc. We know what you're thinking - but seriously, the novelty doesn't wear off. Ever.
If you're still getting excited about Trivial Pursuit you need to take a long hard look at yourself, and then at your games cupboard. Knowing your meme is the new 'general knowledge' - test your skills in this Cards Against Humanity-style caption game.
Ever since we laid eyes on the humble (and cruelly misunderstood) Blobfish, we've championed ugly animals. Our new favourite? The Water Bear. For the uninitiated, the Water Bear isn't technically an animal - it's more of a microscopic super species that can survive a nuclear apocalypse. So when we humans finally ruin everything these little guys will still be knocking about. Celebrate these resiliant little bastards and keep your feet warm at the same time in these cute as hell slippers.
And what are you going to put all these presents in? Stockings can't hold anything good, you need a sack. Anyone can slap a name on a twee hessian bag, we’ve gone the extra mile and put the word ‘fucking’ in there AND you can personalise it with any name you want. Just imagine how they'll feel, waking up on the 25th to be wished an extra special Merry Fucking Christmas. Makes you feel warm and fuzzy, doesn’t it?