Say hello to our Mushions (AKA personalised cushions) and get ready for endless facesitting gags. Unless you pick someone like his mum, he’ll probably cool on the joke if you do that.
You can have anyone printed on a super soft, bouncy cushion for him. Anyone at all. His partner, his dad, his grandma, his sister, his dog or cat or ferret or rat, his favourite sports commentator, Kylie Minogue, we won’t stop you! Just upload your image using our magic tool and we’ll do the rest.
He’ll be cuddling a big version of his favourite person’s face in no time at all. Or worse. We don’t wanna know.
Chances are the lad you have in mind has a decent sense of humour - so he won’t mind being told to grow a dick. And on his birthday, no less. Harsh, but he’ll see the funny side.
And even if he doesn’t, he won’t be frowning when he’s chopping up his very own penis shaped chillies in a few weeks. This fiery variety of capsicum annuum is well worth the wait, and not just for the comedy factor. It’ll add a whole new level of phallic flavour to everything he cooks - hard to be upset with you for suggesting his penis is suboptimal when you’ve made all his food taste amazing.
Is he one of those guys who’s a bit too into the mighty ass? Ain’t nothing wrong with being a bum man, but these fellas take it a bit far.
Give him access to the sphincter he so sorely craves with this box of Edible Anuses. Each one is lovingly rendered in exquisite solid Belgian chocolate from the cast of a real woman’s anus! Probably the closest he’s going to get to the real thing for a very long time.
The fella you’ve got in mind almost certainly has some questionable search terms in his Google Chrome history. The first gift you can give him is the shortcut for an Incognito window. But a Post-It note that says CTRL+SHIFT+N is hardly pushing the boat out. Maybe follow it up with this game, just to make sure he feels extra cared for.
Weird Things Humans Search For is a card game about Googling weird stuff. All you have to do is guess the most popular endings to questions people searched for. For example, 'Has a monkey ever...'
We’ll give you a second to guess.
Okay, second over. The top answer is '...been to space’, but you still get points if you said ‘asked a question', 'touched a whale', 'spoken', 'been cloned', 'killed a human', 'shot someone', 'smoked weed', 'mated with a human', or 'dressed in leather.
We guarantee he’ll enjoy it. Bonus points if he’s suspiciously good at it.
The best gifts often sneak up on you. It won’t be the brand new Lambo that makes their day, but instead the plastic cock strapped to their head. You may as well just slot that supercar into the garage to die, they won’t want to aggressively rev it up around town when they could be playing a wholesome game of Dickhead Hoopla with their nearest and dearest.
Strap the dicks on and get ready to catch hoops with your head. Be warned, this gets competitive fast. This set comes with everything you need for endless rounds of this party classic. Put your dignity aside and get ready for some good old fashioned phallic fun.
Is he too weird, even for this lot?! We suggest a look at our NSFW collection. There’ll definitely be something for a “quirky” fella like him.