Wind Up Blobfish

You weren’t satisfied with regular Pierre. Even Giant Pierre wasn’t enough. And it’s not even worth mentioning the World’s Smallest Pierre. You like it large, we get that. So we’ve supersized everyone’s favourite adorable penis just to suit you.

Only he’s not so adorable anymore. Don’t worry, he’s still got his cute little face, just on a much much bigger appendage. He must have been flaccid before because now he’s four feet of pure magnificent shaft.

Quite possibly the biggest dick in the world, jumbo Pierre will keep you warm on long lonely nights for as long as you need him.

No need to retrieve these fecal floating fellas from your bathtub. These adorable racing floaters are a solid source of bathtime entertainment, just wind them up and watch the little turbo-charged turds race across the water.  

Fancy yourself as a bit of a Robert Langdon? Perhaps you think Dan Brown could have written a much better riddle (we do). Then why not invent your own cryptic code and make your next gift devilishly difficult to unlock.  

Just choose a secret word and follow the simple instructions and you’ll be able to turn gift giving or office parties into a Da Vinci Code themed event no one will soon forget, even if they desperately want to. Change the secret code as many times as you like; the five tumblers, each having a 26 letter alphabet, provide you with just under 12 million code possibilities.

This will give you plenty of scope to come up with something a little more complex than A-P-P-L-E…