Cock-based confectionary at its absolute finest, these miniature members are willy delicious and the perfect mouthful for snacking on or sharing with your mates.
Now you can recreate that youthful exuberance and unhinged joy from the comfort of... your toilet!
The waterproof and slip-proof Toilet Piano Mat rolls out flat to reveal a set of large, foot-friendly piano keys for you to stomp upon. Perfect for having a casual tinkle, honing your musical abilities, passing the time, or just drowning out a chorus of earth-shattering flatulence.
The creators have even thrown in a song book and handy 'Do Not Disturb' sign - you know, for when you're composing your next movement.
Well, it turns out you don't need to dig out your Pog collection and listen to N'Sync on your dodgy walkman to transport you and your mates right back to the 90s – you just need the Totally 90s Board Game.
This 90s-themed trivia game is jammed full of nostalgic questions covering everything from Furbys to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and everything in between. So round up your fellow 90s babies, roll the dice and prepare to find out how much you really know about this carefree decade.
These genius Post-Poo Toilet Bombs will save a few blushes the next time you need to send a sausage to the seaside. Simply unload your timber, flush, then pop a bomb or two in the toilet bowl. The fresh, fruity orange scent eliminates offensive odours so you can waltz out of the toilet guilt-free.
If you’re a serial stinker, you can pop a couple in your pocket for those awkward restaurant/bar/gym moments when you’ve got a brown trout to liberate and there’s someone behind you in the queue. Post-Poo Toilet Bombs also make the perfect gift for those known stinkers who think that saying “I wouldn’t go in there for a while” is enough to justify wilting all the flowers within a 50 metre radius.
Spicy bellend! No, it’s not an STD, it’s the organic produce from our super easy Grow A Dick Kit! This sassy little cube has a big surprise inside: spoiler alert, it’s everything you need to grow a girthy batch of capsicum annuum - AKA phallic chillies!
This is no bird-of-paradise-flower-situation, these spicy red numbers are unmistakably penile from head to shaft. Except for the little green bit on the stem, obvs. If you actually have one of those on your knob, please see a doctor, you may be at risk of being diagnosed as a plant.
All you have do to bring your willy chillies to life is open the cube and pour a little water on the pre-planted seeds. Pop it in a bright, warm place and keep watering every so often to keep them moist - in 12-18 days, you’ll be seeing a red cock rising out of the soil. Mental. In a few weeks, you could be slicing your very own scarlet bellend into a sexy stir fry! Nice.
When you’re ready to repot your plants into something more fitting (coming soon: the Firebox terracotta vagina), the magical eco-friendly cube will slowly decompose and turn into valuable coconut fibre fertiliser for the plant, enriched with all sorts of stuff that makes chillies fully erect big and handsome.
Now all you need is a pair of ginger balls to go with them for a culinary genital match made in Heaven.
No need to retrieve these fecal floating fellas from your bathtub. These adorable racing floaters are a solid source of bathtime entertainment, just wind them up and watch the little turbo-charged turds race across the water.
Dirty door handles, bacteria-ridden buttons, crusty cash machines, mucky mobile screens – Germs. Are. Bloody. Everywhere.
It's inevitable we'll come into contact with them at some point. And then we'll touch our phone, or our face, or someone else's face. And the next thing you know the whole neighbourhood is coming down with a nasty cold.
Well not any more! Thanks to No Hands – the Non-Contact Hygiene Keyring made from antimicrobial copper.
And not just some cheap copper coating that'll scratch off in a matter of weeks, but pure solid copper that naturally kills microbes, bacteria and viruses within a few hours on contact. Gooo science!
Never mind keyring bottle openers, how about door openers? This neat little device is a germaphobe's dream – with an ergonomic hook to operate doors and handles, and a rubberised precision tip for pressing buttons and using your smartphone.
Always forgetting to go out with a bottle of hand sanitiser? No problem. This little guy slips comfortably onto your keyring so you can keep it with you at all times!
The aptly named ISAKOK Japanese incense sticks are a lie. Inside this cylinder is in fact a 2 and a half foot penis projectile, complete with hairy balls, that will launch itself into the face of anyone who releases it. The Cock Cannon prank gift is the perfect addition to hen parties, birthdays, or even Valentine’s Day (if you’re brave enough).
