Liberally sprinkle his ceramic body with the included bag of seeds, add a splash of water, then your work is done. See? Laziest bit of home gardening ever! Within a matter of days, a lush green coat will begin sprouting. Watch it bloom a bit more every day, from a bit of seedy stubble to a luxurious layer of green goodness in just 2 weeks.
But what happens after you’ve harvested your first batch of tasty seedlings? Just pick up some more chia seeds from your local supermarket and you're ready to do it all over again!
This storm cloud was what Admiral Fitzroy used on his epic voyage with Charles Darwin aboard the HMS Beagle. In 1831. And we’ve been collectively sleeping on this advanced alien sorcery. Unbelievable.
Basically, the liquid inside the storm cloud will indicate what the weather has in store for you. It’s full of these delicate little crystals that freak out to match the weather.
We know, we were all skeptical, too. But then it started hailing and we knew before it even happened. True story.
Introducing Plant Life Support, the miniature lifelike IV drip for your houseplants! Pop it into a pot with the included stand, fill it up with water and it'll take care of the rest – slowly feeding your plant with just the right amount of water as and when it needs it.
It's the perfect gift for neglectful plant parents or for when you need to take a short trip away – especially when your neighbours are even worse than you are at looking after houseplants!
If someone you know loves plants but can't seem to keep them alive for more than a week, then this quirky Mini Plant Life Support will inject a bit of life into their smaller houseplants. Don't worry, there are no needles involved, just put the tube peg into the soil and the plant will water itself!
You need something to focus on, a relaxing task to really obsess over, you need... the Zen Garden.
After all, nothing calms the mind like raking patterns in soft sand, meticulously arranging four polished stones and attending to two tiny grass lawns. Seriously, get ready to totally fixate upon the Zen Garden and forget about all of your other troubles.
- Boss screeching in your face? Just reach for that sand rake
- Bills horrendously overdue? Shuffle around those stones for a bit
- Find out your partner's been having an affair for months? That tiny lawn could use a drop of water
Spicy bellend! No, it’s not an STD, it’s the organic produce from our super easy Grow A Dick Kit! This sassy little cube has a big surprise inside: spoiler alert, it’s everything you need to grow a girthy batch of capsicum annuum - AKA phallic chillies!
This is no bird-of-paradise-flower-situation, these spicy red numbers are unmistakably penile from head to shaft. Except for the little green bit on the stem, obvs. If you actually have one of those on your knob, please see a doctor, you may be at risk of being diagnosed as a plant.
All you have do to bring your willy chillies to life is open the cube and pour a little water on the pre-planted seeds. Pop it in a bright, warm place and keep watering every so often to keep them moist - in 12-18 days, you’ll be seeing a red cock rising out of the soil. Mental. In a few weeks, you could be slicing your very own scarlet bellend into a sexy stir fry! Nice.
When you’re ready to repot your plants into something more fitting (coming soon: the Firebox terracotta vagina), the magical eco-friendly cube will slowly decompose and turn into valuable coconut fibre fertiliser for the plant, enriched with all sorts of stuff that makes chillies fully erect big and handsome.
Now all you need is a pair of ginger balls to go with them for a culinary genital match made in Heaven.
Calling all pub quiz factfiles, prepare for the ultimate battle of brains and nerves with The Shocking Truth. Players must answer the questions correctly to win the game and avoid getting a cattle prod to the finger. Not for the faint (or pacemaker) hearted, The Shocking Truth will definitely amp up your next games night to the next level.
The aptly named ISAKOK Japanese incense sticks are a lie. Inside this cylinder is in fact a 2 and a half foot penis projectile, complete with hairy balls, that will launch itself into the face of anyone who releases it. The Cock Cannon prank gift is the perfect addition to hen parties, birthdays, or even Valentine’s Day (if you’re brave enough).
It may not be suspended in orbit around the Earth but you wouldn’t know it from the stunning level of detail on this 3D orb. You’ll be sat around wondering how the moon got inside your house and lamenting that it’s much smaller in real life.
With three different modes of illuminating action, it’s even more fun than the real moon. Just don’t expect it to wax and wane.
Pro Tip: Drape some black cloth over it to simulate your very own eclipse. Fascinating!
