Snuggle up with Pierre and rest your head on his lovely soft shaft - or keep him on your desk to make your colleagues INSTANTLY contact HR to voice their concerns. Treat yourself to this adorable addition to your plush collection - because you’re girth it.
Please note: this is not an accurate to scale version of a human penis. Thank god.
Using cutting-edge electromagnetic technology, this stylish geometric plant pot defies gravity and hovers your favourite houseplants in mid-air. As practical as it is attention-grabbing, the Levitos Plant Pot is designed to slowly rotate while suspended; this allows your plant to soak up sunlight from all angles and reduce lopsided growth. It's also just incredibly calming to watch!
Floating atop its classy walnut-look base, this futuristic fusion of nature and technology is the perfect statement piece for your home.
This ingenious floating gizmo projects several seriously psychedelic multicoloured light sequences onto the bottom and sides of the bath. It's truly hypnotic, especially as the pulsating effects are distorted by the water in the tub. Put on some suitably upbeat music, dim the main light and strike that classic legs apart, arm in the air pose and you could be in Studio 54, albeit nude and soaked in hot water. Not such a bad thing in our book.
Battery-operated and water resistant, the Underwater Disco Lightshow features a button that changes the patterns (some subdued, some dynamic), so you can alter the mood in an instant. What's more its curvaceous shape causes the lights to reach out to every corner of the bath. If you're feeling really decadent you could even plop this plastic doodah in your pool, pond or hot tub. Water based shenanigans will never be the same again.
The Underwater Disco Lightshow has been a real hit here at Firebox HQ. In fact we're standing here wrapped in towels having just emerged from our communal bath/disco. Invigorating? We spent the whole multicoloured soak thinking up water-based disco classics to shoehorn into this description. Sadly we could only come up with Car Splosh, Heaven Must Be Missing A Plughole and a few tunes by Splashford and Simpson. Suggestions welcome.
Whether you're chilling out or getting ready for a night on the tiles (no, not the bathroom tiles), this incredible device is guaranteed to add a mesmerising kaleidoscope of light to bathtime. So don't just sit in the tub twiddling your pruning thumbs; order an Underwater Disco Lightshow and Blame it on the Bathtub!
Well, technically you’ll be hitting the controller, not the console itself. But the concept remains the same.
In case you hadn’t already gathered, this is an alarm clock in the design of a PlayStation controller. What a sick gift for gamers, or even just someone who longs for the trill of an authentic alarm clock rather than their iPhone’s ‘radar’.
We’re not about to put style over substance, though. This thing is USB powered (cable included), has a reverse LED screen with a backlight and makes classic beeping alarm sounds. Truly a digital alarm clock for the ages.
Cock-based confectionary at its absolute finest, these miniature members are willy delicious and the perfect mouthful for snacking on or sharing with your mates.
Let's start with the Six chilling rocks, carved from natural stone and designed to cool your fine single malt, just like regular ice cubes, only without watering down those rich and and complex flavour notes. Just slip them into their luxury pouch and pop them in the freezer - within a couple of hours they'll be ready to go.
We've included a sophisticated set of Copper Tongs with a smart ridged edge so you can handle your ice-cold rocks with care and class. "One stone or two, sir?"
To complete this illustrious imbibing experience, the set comes with two rolling whisky tumblers. This pair of stylish 275ml glasses are designed to gently rotate without toppling your drink; the rotation helps to aerate your whisky and further enhances the flavours and aroma - plus it just looks effortlessly cool.
This phallic masterpiece is covered with two hundred exceedingly imaginative dick doodles, each one annotated with some classic penis slang - Rumpleforeskin, Schlong Dong Silver, Dicklodocus etc. It's like looking at the underside of a typical school desk!
Made up of 1000 pieces, it's the perfect way to beat off the boredom!
This boozy optical illusion is guaranteed to make your dinner guests do a double-take while they rack their brains as to why there isn't wine pouring all over the table! The usual 'top' of the glass is sealed and the 'bottom' is open, while the main glass and stem remain hollow to accommodate all of that tasty vino.
Not ready to get a tattoo on your face? How about getting one of your face instead? Much better. Just upload any face and we will turn it into a set of tattoos for you and your mates’ to enjoy. Turning up to an event with the host’s face tattooed on your arm will make a great start to any party.
Guaranteed to elicit a chorus of 'oohs' and 'aahs' from gobsmacked guests; this attention-grabbing lamp uses the power of electromagnet induction technology to defy gravity and float majestically in mid-air. Featuring a super detailed and colourful 3D surface, it even rotates like a real planet!
With a gentle tap of the touch-sensitive base, the brightness and colour temperature can be easily adjusted to suit your environment, from a soft warm glow to a bright white light.
Looking for a new statement centrepiece? Elevate your home decor with Levitos.
You could tuck into a book with a glass of wine, surround yourself with candles and incense while listening to a podcast, binge-watch your favourite Netflix show while scoffing a bowl of M&Ms, or share an intimate bottle of Prosecco with your partner.
Made from sustainable bamboo, this smart bath caddy extends to fit all tubs and features a whole host of useful features to level up your bath times:
- A clever slot securely holds your wine glass so you can't knock it over
- The mid-section flips open to prop up books or tablets
- A recessed area looks after your soap and sponge - or a candle or two
- A pair of fold out legs transforms this bath shelf into a lap table for when you're not in the bath
Thanks to our new Personalised Door Mat you don't have to settle for some other brand's idea of a "hilarious" welcome message – now you can come up with your very own!
With our super simple (and fun) customiser you can add your own two lines of text to a hard-wearing velour doormat with a non-slip base. There are heaps of font styles to choose from and you can tinker around with the size and placement. It's really easy to get creative and there's a nice clear preview of your doormat at every step of the way.
We all need somewhere to wipe our feet, and with these new Personalised Door Mats you can welcome wandering guests, turn away intruders and help keep your carpets clean.
If you like your coffee strong (f*cking strong no less), then what else do you really need to know? Packed and roasted at our London roastery, this powerful brew is a complex and dark-roasted blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee. Full-bodied and f*cking flavoursome, with powerful notes of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice, complimented by a dense syrupy body.
Stop poisoning your body with unfulfilling freeze-dried rubbish and don't settle for whimpering brands that are afraid to give you what you really want, nay NEED. Make yourself a hot cup of F*cking Strong Coffee and kick-start your day with a potent dose of delicious caffeine-laden euphoria.
Pressures of modern life giving you a headache? Struggling to get a good night's sleep? Sounds like you need a hug. More specifically - a HedHug.
Based on the science of Deep Touch Pressure Therapy, our HedHug Weighted Eye Mask applies a gentle, comforting pressure across your eyes and face to help you relax and drift off into a deep and restful sleep. You can think of it like a big ol' comfort blanket, for your face.
"But don't all eye masks make you really sweaty?" Nope! HedHug is made from super smooth, breathable cotton that naturally absorbs heat away from your body to keep your face cool and dry. It’s as durable as it is soft on your skin!
This malleable mask is filled with an even distribution of premium weighted micro-beads and is designed to sit flat against your face. Combined with the adjustable velcro head strap, this prevents any light from entering around the edges so you can enjoy a total blackout - whatever the time of day.
Eyelids starting to feel heavy yet? You betcha. Just slip on the reassuring weight of the HedHug and take a load off your mind.
Now you can recreate that youthful exuberance and unhinged joy from the comfort of... your toilet!
The waterproof and slip-proof Toilet Piano Mat rolls out flat to reveal a set of large, foot-friendly piano keys for you to stomp upon. Perfect for having a casual tinkle, honing your musical abilities, passing the time, or just drowning out a chorus of earth-shattering flatulence.
The creators have even thrown in a song book and handy 'Do Not Disturb' sign - you know, for when you're composing your next movement.
Featuring an acrylic wine ‘glass’ with a floating stem, the Vino2Go maintains an ideal temperature without condensation, while the silicone lid stops serious spills and pesky bugs from dive-bombing your booze.
Available in a host of colours, it’s great for when you want to wet your whistle without the unwieldy wineglass, and drinking from the bottle isn’t appropriate.
Just like a real sloth, this Heated Cuddly Sloth is cute, cuddly, and warm. Unlike a real sloth, he doesn’t need to eat or poop, and will survive in the microwave.
There are no two ways about it – this mug is covered with hundreds of micro penises. An inspired design that casually treads the fine line between subtle abstract masterpiece and horrendous phallic overload. Is it just us or does it have a bit of a Scandi vibe going on?
Best not to overthink it – it's a cup of dicks!
He’s no use when he’s all floppy, so fill him up with hot water before getting tucked up. Pro-tip: Tuck him down your pants to experience the thrill of having your very own obscenely large, hot dick.
He’s not just for show, it turns out the humble penis is the perfect shape for a hot water bottle, distributing that lovely warmth sideways through the balls and lengthwise through the shaft. Mmm, cosy.
Just try to ignore his weird little face and be thankful that real penises don’t have them. Mind you, if you were with a man who had a schlong that big, its little grin would be the least of your problems...
Anyone who’s accidentally stepped in a deceptively deep puddle knows that soggy socks are the absolute worst - even more so when you’re out in the wilderness and you don’t have an extra pair.
Now you can make cold, wet feet a thing of the past with these incredible waterproof socks. Designed using high-performance materials and triple-layer technology to create a waterproof and breathable sock, IMPERVIUS will keep your feet dry, warm and protected from the elements, no matter the weather!
Perfect for joggers, dog-walkers, lovers (and haters) of the great outdoors, these socks are an absolute gamechanger!
The bodhug Weighted Body Wrap uses the relaxing properties of gentle weight to loosen up tight shoulder, neck and back areas. The deep pressure from the weighted collar relaxes and stabilises the muscles which means less trips to the masseuse. Unlike an actual masseuse, the body wrap doesn’t care if you’ve shaved, make you wear those weird paper pants, or ask you awkward questions in a whispery voice - and best of all, you can wear it anywhere!
Can you name all three of Ross' wives? Do you remember where Monica and Chandler first got together? What book did Joey buy Ross and Monica's parents for their wedding anniversary?
The aptly-named Friends Ultimate Trivia Quiz features 2000(!!!) head-scratching questions covering all 236 episodes of Friends, so we hope you were paying attention! Grab your closest and geekiest friends and separate the smelly cats from the lobsters. Or something. See, we'd be hopeless!
Whether you're savouring the sunset on your patio, hosting a rooftop soirée, or simply dreaming of a sun-kissed Italian vacation, your personalised Aperol Spritz logo glass will induce some serious cocktail envy.
Simply personalise the glass with a name of your choice and prepare for a Spritz-filled summer.
Painful feet from a long day of being up and about all day? No need to break down and rye, wheat love to introduce you to our cosiest invention yet.
It’s Bread Shoes! (Whole-y grain, we bread your mind, just what you were after!)
Slip those knackered extremities into these soft baguettes. Or are they loaves? Either way, we can’t get enough of these buttery-soft slippers. Expertly cushioned, the podiatric bakers behind these certainly knew what they were doing.
Let’s face it, you knead these. It’s the yeast you could do for those hard-working feet of yours. P.S. We were on a roll with the puns but we’ll stop now. Crust us.
Complete with three different mini-LPs, this turntable is truly teeny, tiny, and bags of fun. Just slot one of the ‘records’ onto the pin and give it a spin to hear 70s funk, classic rock, or a bit of good ol’ fashioned jazz.
But the fun doesn’t stop there - you can even customise it using the included stickers or swot up on your music history with the included 32 page book of fun facts about the best records of all time.
It’s even better than a real record player! Certainly cheaper, anyway.