We've all flipped the bird or a cheeky V, and most of the time that's all the situation requires – a mad moment of road rage, a useless co-worker leaving the room etc.
But if you yearn to expand your gesticular vocabulary, you need to get your hands on How To Swear In Sign Language.
This handy set of cue cards introduces 100 vulgar hand gestures; each one comes with simple illustrated instructions so you'll be signing Shit for Brains, Eat a Dick, Fuck Face and Cock-topus in no time.
Introducing Plant Life Support, the miniature lifelike IV drip for your houseplants! Pop it into a pot with the included stand, fill it up with water and it'll take care of the rest – slowly feeding your plant with just the right amount of water as and when it needs it.
It's the perfect gift for neglectful plant parents or for when you need to take a short trip away – especially when your neighbours are even worse than you are at looking after houseplants!
Naked Ramblers are way ahead of the curve, one day we'll all be doing it.
For now, you can dress up your houseplants with this cheeky set of free-loving explorers – a butt-naked reminder to get closer to nature. Oh and to make sure you do some occasional pruning.
The Cat Butt Colouring and Activity Book pays homage to these delicate derrieres, with 45 line drawings of pert cat booties winking you in the face. Enjoy colouring in lasers shooting from an intergalactic cat butt, a chill skater cat that isn't ashamed to hold his tail a little too high, and more!
With an additional 25 games to play, this adult activity book is a veritable feline frenzy that every cat lover can get behind.
You win points by betting on your own ability to successfully complete a series of ridiculous dexterity-based challenges. "What sort of challenges?" we hear you squeal! Words can only begin to describe the fast and frantic fun so give this short video a watch and it'll tell you everything you need to know.
The game includes 160 playfully daft tasks and each player attempts the same challenge so get ready to smugly declare "Beat that!"
It only takes a couple of minutes to learn and guarantees hours and hours of entertainment.
With two different 300 piece puzzles to complete, this happy little set will keep you entertained for hours as Bob Ross’s stunning artwork appears bit by bit before your very eyes. Get lost in the serene beauty of his North American oil landscapes - they’re even more beautiful up close.
And if you lose one of the pieces, just remember: there are no mistakes, just happy accidents.
- Only upload photos with one face in them (no group photos please!)
- Photos showing more than one face may result in us having to delay or even cancel your order.
- Don't ruin Christmas by uploading photos with multiple faces in!
Just upload a photo of anyone you like and we’ll get to work crafting their lovely mug into your very own wearable blanket. This thing will jettison you into new levels of comfort, relegating your previously top-tier dressing gown to the merely ‘decent’ category. Regular blankets will never be enough for you ever again.
It’s the ideal gift for someone you miss or someone who misses you, far-flung friends and family, celebrity Stans, or just as a gift to yourself. There’s no cosier way to treat yourself.
It may not be suspended in orbit around the Earth but you wouldn’t know it from the stunning level of detail on this 3D orb. You’ll be sat around wondering how the moon got inside your house and lamenting that it’s much smaller in real life.
With three different modes of illuminating action, it’s even more fun than the real moon. Just don’t expect it to wax and wane.
Pro Tip: Drape some black cloth over it to simulate your very own eclipse. Fascinating!
Cat-Astrophe has one aim: you stack the cats.
There’s no timer, you can take as long as you need.
They who stacks the cats the highest wins. It’s that simple. Anyone can play this. Kids and adults. Strangers and best mates. Big groups or on your own. Dumb people and clever people. People who hate games and people who love games. People who don’t speak the same language and people who do. Cat lovers get to play with tiny little adorable vinyl cats, cat haters get to see the tower inevitably topple. What’s not to love?
Complete with three different mini-LPs, this turntable is truly teeny, tiny, and bags of fun. Just slot one of the ‘records’ onto the pin and give it a spin to hear 70s funk, classic rock, or a bit of good ol’ fashioned jazz.
But the fun doesn’t stop there - you can even customise it using the included stickers or swot up on your music history with the included 32 page book of fun facts about the best records of all time.
It’s even better than a real record player! Certainly cheaper, anyway.
Well, technically you’ll be hitting the controller, not the console itself. But the concept remains the same.
In case you hadn’t already gathered, this is an alarm clock in the design of a PlayStation controller. What a sick gift for gamers, or even just someone who longs for the trill of an authentic alarm clock rather than their iPhone’s ‘radar’.
We’re not about to put style over substance, though. This thing is USB powered (cable included), has a reverse LED screen with a backlight and makes classic beeping alarm sounds. Truly a digital alarm clock for the ages.
It’s never been easier to get anybody’s face on a mega-sized cushion. Just upload your pictures and we'll get them on a humongous, soft cushion and pop them in the post. Make sure the photos you upload are high quality (AKA not super blurry or pixelated) and the Firebox fairies will do the rest.
The perfect gift for a big-headed pal, someone who misses you, or anyone who might like a giant snuggly double sided face to squeeze.
Spicy bellend! No, it’s not an STD, it’s the organic produce from our super easy Grow A Dick Kit! This sassy little cube has a big surprise inside: spoiler alert, it’s everything you need to grow a girthy batch of capsicum annuum - AKA phallic chillies!
This is no bird-of-paradise-flower-situation, these spicy red numbers are unmistakably penile from head to shaft. Except for the little green bit on the stem, obvs. If you actually have one of those on your knob, please see a doctor, you may be at risk of being diagnosed as a plant.
All you have do to bring your willy chillies to life is open the cube and pour a little water on the pre-planted seeds. Pop it in a bright, warm place and keep watering every so often to keep them moist - in 12-18 days, you’ll be seeing a red cock rising out of the soil. Mental. In a few weeks, you could be slicing your very own scarlet bellend into a sexy stir fry! Nice.
When you’re ready to repot your plants into something more fitting (coming soon: the Firebox terracotta vagina), the magical eco-friendly cube will slowly decompose and turn into valuable coconut fibre fertiliser for the plant, enriched with all sorts of stuff that makes chillies fully erect big and handsome.
Now all you need is a pair of ginger balls to go with them for a culinary genital match made in Heaven.
Simply upload your pictures and we'll pop them on a delightfully squishy Mushion and send them on their way to you. Make sure the photos you choose are clear and not blurry or super pixellated - your Mushions will only be as good as the photos you submit.
What will you get on yours? Happy face and sad face? You and your partner? Your friend and their dog? Mum and dad? Your two best mates? Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby? The possibilities are endless!
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get down to business. Everyone’s favourite marketing tool has been miniaturised (or shrunkled, to use the technical term) down to fit on your desk. Now YOU can enjoy 18 inches of wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man fun in the comfort of your own home.
“But does he manically flail just like the real thing?”
Of course he does, you beautiful fool. This battery powered masterpiece goes all over the place. He’s uncontrollable. Wiggling. Shimmying. Shaking like a toddler after some original recipe Sunny Delight. He wouldn’t be a real wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man without waving and flailing. He’d merely be a wacky inflatable tube man, and that’s no fun at all.
But the fun doesn't stop there! Get your reading glasses out and discover the incredible origins of the wacky, wacky tube man in the fascinating 32-page mini book included with your very own wacky tube man. Yay, education!
Fun Fact: This wacky waving tube man wasn’t always known by that name - he was originally called The Tall Boy.
This storm cloud was what Admiral Fitzroy used on his epic voyage with Charles Darwin aboard the HMS Beagle. In 1831. And we’ve been collectively sleeping on this advanced alien sorcery. Unbelievable.
Basically, the liquid inside the storm cloud will indicate what the weather has in store for you. It’s full of these delicate little crystals that freak out to match the weather.
We know, we were all skeptical, too. But then it started hailing and we knew before it even happened. True story.
Prevent 'Baggage Reclaim' drama and make sure your bag stands out from the crowd by slipping it snuggly inside a Head Case. After all, nothing says "that's my luggage!" quite like a giant version of your own face, smiling back at you as it shudders round the conveyor belt.
Head Cases are made from durable polyester spandex so they stretch to comfortably fit over your bag. Simply upload a high-quality photo of your face (or a pal's) and we'll print them this striking personalised case cover.
One big face not floating your boat? Get loads of little versions of your lucky chosen face all over it instead with our brand new All Over Faces option.
- For best results, make sure your photo is as high quality as possible
- Photos without filters work best!
- Crop the shot down so we know whose face to use
Monster Mushions are ridiculously huge – warping your face (or someone else's) to an absurdly big 60x40cm cushion.
All you have to do is upload a high-quality, front-facing picture of the faces you desire and we'll transform them all into humongous cuddly cushions for you to do with as you wish.
These colossal cushions make the perfect personalised present for one of your big-headed mates, or a seriously unconventional house-warming gift.
Filled with 20 stirring scratch n' sniff scent pads, this chunky cardboard book explores the rich history and evolution of this wondrous drug. Covering all topics from the science behind the munchies (it's very real), the botanical link between beer and weed, and why smoking cannabis makes Pink Floyd sound so damned good.
Entertaining, informative (did you know you could nibble or sniff peppercorns to reduce the paranoia? Incredible.) and beautifully-illustrated — it's the perfect gift for total pot heads or those with just a little cannabis curiosity.
How To Live With A Huge Penis explores and allays the daily struggles of this genetic marvel, with chapters covering all of the major issues including:
- Unzipping: Coming Out to Your Friends and Family
- Care and Maintenance of Your Huge Penis
- Sharing Your Pain: Sexual Intercourse with a Huge Penis
- Dealing with Discrimination
- Big Blessings: Unexpected Advantages of a Huge Penis
That's a short excerpt from a typical round of F**K The Game – the party card game that combines colours and swear words with good old-fashioned psychological mind-f*ckery.
Here's how to play:
Players take turns to flip over a card and yell out what they see. Depending on the nature of the card, you might have to say the background colour, the text colour or a swear word. You keep turning cards over and shouting until someone f*cks up and picks up the pile. The winner is the first player to get rid of all their cards.
It sounds relatively straightforward, but the cards employ a psychological phenomenon known as the 'Stroop effect'. In short, it massively messes with your head and slows down your brain's responses. No matter how quick-witted you think you are, this game will catch you out.
There are three extended instructions cards so once you’ve mastered the basics you can take the game to the next level by introducing a whole host of new rules – you can even create your own.
Simply upload a good clear picture of the faces you desire and we'll transform them all into distorted and squishy cushions for you to do with as you please.
Coming to you in packs of one, two or three, these cosy cushions feature a black reverse and look best boasting a high quality image. What an earth are you waiting for? Mush some faces into your home-decor and never look back.
A birthday card like no other, treat your loved ones to a gift they'll always remember. Because they wont have a choice. Because it never stops playing. Give them the gift of a permanent ear-worm combined with extreme mental anguish. Don't worry, there's a safety tab so you can sign the card and test it before the fun begins.
Once opened, the Never-ending Birthday Card continues to play for up to three whole hours (though the one we foolishly tested played for five!). The music gets even louder if they try pressing the button inside to stop it, heck they can submerge the card in water – this relentless beast just keeps on jingling. Best of all, when the lucky recipient finally reaches breaking point and tries to rip into the card to destroy its circuitry they'll be greeted with a merciless explosion of glitter.
Needless to say, this is the best prank birthday card in existence.
Word to the wise:
- This card arrives packaged and needs to be opened and signed first before gifting
- Send it to yourself first before giving it to your unfortunate recipient
If you like your coffee strong (f*cking strong no less), then what else do you really need to know? Packed and roasted at our London roastery, this powerful brew is a complex and dark-roasted blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee. Full-bodied and f*cking flavoursome, with powerful notes of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice, complimented by a dense syrupy body.
Stop poisoning your body with unfulfilling freeze-dried rubbish and don't settle for whimpering brands that are afraid to give you what you really want, nay NEED. Make yourself a hot cup of F*cking Strong Coffee and kick-start your day with a potent dose of delicious caffeine-laden euphoria.
Made from 4x heat-treated steel, it's a worthy instrument ready to be wielded by the ultimate Shinobi warrior. The well-chosen tools included are hex wrenches, a can opener/fruit peeler, bottle opener, ruler, letter opener, box opener, phone stand and a screw driver.
A sleek and agile master of stealth. You'll hardly know it's there lurking silently in the shadows of your wallet, waiting to emerge when you need it most.