Pierre The Penis Pillow

You weren’t satisfied with regular Pierre. Even Giant Pierre wasn’t enough. And it’s not even worth mentioning the World’s Smallest Pierre. You like it large, we get that. So we’ve supersized everyone’s favourite adorable penis just to suit you.

Only he’s not so adorable anymore. Don’t worry, he’s still got his cute little face, just on a much much bigger appendage. He must have been flaccid before because now he’s four feet of pure magnificent shaft.

Quite possibly the biggest dick in the world, jumbo Pierre will keep you warm on long lonely nights for as long as you need him.

The aptly named ISAKOK Japanese incense sticks are a lie. Inside this cylinder is in fact a 2 and a half foot penis projectile, complete with hairy balls, that will launch itself into the face of anyone who releases it. The Cock Cannon prank gift is the perfect addition to hen parties, birthdays, or even Valentine’s Day (if you’re brave enough).

Are your colleagues still coming up to your desk and asking you to do things for them, even though you told them you’re completely swamped with work? Are they flooding your inbox with reminders? 

Instead of telling them to p*** off and risk getting hauled into your manager’s office, try this mini ticket dispenser, a system tried and tested by butchers across the land. It comes with 100 paper tickets, and even a little electronic notice board to display the current number being “served”. 

What’s more, it includes a booklet outlining different ways to tackle common office distractions, like Karen from accounts asking you if you watched last night’s episode of The Masked Singer.