£9.99
World's Smallest Turntable Too scared to play all your lovely vintage vinyl in case you tarnish its resale value? What a modern problem. Luckily we’ve got a modern solution. This Teeny Tiny Turntable!
Complete with three different mini-LPs, this turntable is truly teeny, tiny, and bags of fun. Just slot one of the ‘records’ onto the pin and give it a spin to hear 70s funk, classic rock, or a bit of good ol’ fashioned jazz.
But the fun doesn’t stop there - you can even customise it using the included stickers or swot up on your music history with the included 32 page book of fun facts about the best records of all time.
It’s even better than a real record player! Certainly cheaper, anyway.
Based on 2 reviews Complete with three different mini-LPs, this turntable is truly teeny, tiny, and bags of fun. Just slot one of the ‘records’ onto the pin and give it a spin to hear 70s funk, classic rock, or a bit of good ol’ fashioned jazz.
But the fun doesn’t stop there - you can even customise it using the included stickers or swot up on your music history with the included 32 page book of fun facts about the best records of all time.
It’s even better than a real record player! Certainly cheaper, anyway.
£39.99
Rise & Shine Luxury Coffee Kit
Based on 1 reviews Give your brew the 5-start treatment with the Rise & Shine Luxury Coffee Kit, a fancy-shmancy 3-piece set containing a filter, scoop and ceramic mug. If you know someone who takes their coffee verrrry seriously, then this will add a bit of magic to their mornings.
from £6.99
Grip Strip Like the clinging feet of a tenacious gecko, the Grip Strip will hold just about anything in place. And all without a single magnet, velcro strip, or sticky adhesive in sight.
Thanks to the revolutionary polymer compound that its made from, this advanced silicone material grips everything from iPads to Sat Navs. Just slap it on your dashboard, desk or wall and place your items on top. As if by magic, your possessions will defy the forces of nature and be held in place – it's an incredibly satisfying miracle of modern science to behold.
Resistant to water, high temperatures and sunlight, it’s perfectly at home wherever you choose to put it. And it never needs replenishing either – when the stickiness begins to wear off, just wipe it with a damp towel and it’ll be as good as new. We're pretty sure that this doesn't apply to geckos though.
Based on 2 reviews Thanks to the revolutionary polymer compound that its made from, this advanced silicone material grips everything from iPads to Sat Navs. Just slap it on your dashboard, desk or wall and place your items on top. As if by magic, your possessions will defy the forces of nature and be held in place – it's an incredibly satisfying miracle of modern science to behold.
Resistant to water, high temperatures and sunlight, it’s perfectly at home wherever you choose to put it. And it never needs replenishing either – when the stickiness begins to wear off, just wipe it with a damp towel and it’ll be as good as new. We're pretty sure that this doesn't apply to geckos though.
£8.99
Instant Regret Chilli Chocolate Lollipops Within this unassuming matte black bag lies the world's hottest chilli chocolate lollipop. Well, two of them – one for you and one for your equally brave and foolish friend.
These mercilessly hot Instant Regret Lollipops are infused with our signature 6.4 million Scoville extract and guaranteed to cause immense physical and mental suffering. Just for reference, the humble jalapeño is a paltry 3.5 thousand Scovilles – childs play, a walk in the park.
But even the lightest, daintiest lick of these lollipops is like plunging your tongue into the roaring fires of hell. Or knocking back a shot of fresh lava. Or sucking on a red-hot branding iron. Yum!
Soooo why not challenge a mate and see who can hold it in their mouth the longest? Seems like a perfectly rational thing to do, right?
Based on 2 reviews These mercilessly hot Instant Regret Lollipops are infused with our signature 6.4 million Scoville extract and guaranteed to cause immense physical and mental suffering. Just for reference, the humble jalapeño is a paltry 3.5 thousand Scovilles – childs play, a walk in the park.
But even the lightest, daintiest lick of these lollipops is like plunging your tongue into the roaring fires of hell. Or knocking back a shot of fresh lava. Or sucking on a red-hot branding iron. Yum!
Soooo why not challenge a mate and see who can hold it in their mouth the longest? Seems like a perfectly rational thing to do, right?
£13.99
The Scratch & Sniff Book of Weed The Scratch & Sniff Book of Weed is a sensory trip into the world of the green stuff.
Filled with 20 stirring scratch n' sniff scent pads, this chunky cardboard book explores the rich history and evolution of this wondrous drug. Covering all topics from the science behind the munchies (it's very real), the botanical link between beer and weed, and why smoking cannabis makes Pink Floyd sound so damned good.
Entertaining, informative (did you know you could nibble or sniff peppercorns to reduce the paranoia? Incredible.) and beautifully-illustrated — it's the perfect gift for total pot heads or those with just a little cannabis curiosity.
Based on 2 reviews Filled with 20 stirring scratch n' sniff scent pads, this chunky cardboard book explores the rich history and evolution of this wondrous drug. Covering all topics from the science behind the munchies (it's very real), the botanical link between beer and weed, and why smoking cannabis makes Pink Floyd sound so damned good.
Entertaining, informative (did you know you could nibble or sniff peppercorns to reduce the paranoia? Incredible.) and beautifully-illustrated — it's the perfect gift for total pot heads or those with just a little cannabis curiosity.
£12.99
Naked Ramblers Mini Planters What could be more liberating than a naked stroll in the woods with your nudist pals? Nothing but a nap-sack full of sandwiches on your back, fresh air circulating around your nether regions, just being at one with nature...
Naked Ramblers are way ahead of the curve, one day we'll all be doing it.
For now, you can dress up your houseplants with this cheeky set of free-loving explorers – a butt-naked reminder to get closer to nature. Oh and to make sure you do some occasional pruning.
Based on 1 reviews Naked Ramblers are way ahead of the curve, one day we'll all be doing it.
For now, you can dress up your houseplants with this cheeky set of free-loving explorers – a butt-naked reminder to get closer to nature. Oh and to make sure you do some occasional pruning.
£8.99
Post-Poo Toilet Bombs
Based on 1 reviews These genius Post-Poo Toilet Bombs will save a few blushes the next time you need to send a sausage to the seaside. Simply unload your timber, flush, then pop a bomb or two in the toilet bowl. The fresh, fruity orange scent eliminates offensive odours so you can waltz out of the toilet guilt-free.
If you’re a serial stinker, you can pop a couple in your pocket for those awkward restaurant/bar/gym moments when you’ve got a brown trout to liberate and there’s someone behind you in the queue. Post-Poo Toilet Bombs also make the perfect gift for those known stinkers who think that saying “I wouldn’t go in there for a while” is enough to justify wilting all the flowers within a 50 metre radius.
£9.99
Underwater Disco Lightshow 'Young man, there's no need to just scrub. I said young man, when you're bored in the tub. I said young man, you can sit there and blub, but it's fun to have a disco!' So sang a certain village-dwelling disco supergroup. Well, almost. The point being, disco-ing in the bath is truly entertaining. But how do you transform your bath into a disco without short-circuiting your mirrorballs? Easy, you buy the Underwater Disco Lightshow.
This ingenious floating gizmo projects several seriously psychedelic multicoloured light sequences onto the bottom and sides of the bath. It's truly hypnotic, especially as the pulsating effects are distorted by the water in the tub. Put on some suitably upbeat music, dim the main light and strike that classic legs apart, arm in the air pose and you could be in Studio 54, albeit nude and soaked in hot water. Not such a bad thing in our book.
Battery-operated and water resistant, the Underwater Disco Lightshow features a button that changes the patterns (some subdued, some dynamic), so you can alter the mood in an instant. What's more its curvaceous shape causes the lights to reach out to every corner of the bath. If you're feeling really decadent you could even plop this plastic doodah in your pool, pond or hot tub. Water based shenanigans will never be the same again.
The Underwater Disco Lightshow has been a real hit here at Firebox HQ. In fact we're standing here wrapped in towels having just emerged from our communal bath/disco. Invigorating? We spent the whole multicoloured soak thinking up water-based disco classics to shoehorn into this description. Sadly we could only come up with Car Splosh, Heaven Must Be Missing A Plughole and a few tunes by Splashford and Simpson. Suggestions welcome.
Whether you're chilling out or getting ready for a night on the tiles (no, not the bathroom tiles), this incredible device is guaranteed to add a mesmerising kaleidoscope of light to bathtime. So don't just sit in the tub twiddling your pruning thumbs; order an Underwater Disco Lightshow and Blame it on the Bathtub!
Based on 8 reviews This ingenious floating gizmo projects several seriously psychedelic multicoloured light sequences onto the bottom and sides of the bath. It's truly hypnotic, especially as the pulsating effects are distorted by the water in the tub. Put on some suitably upbeat music, dim the main light and strike that classic legs apart, arm in the air pose and you could be in Studio 54, albeit nude and soaked in hot water. Not such a bad thing in our book.
Battery-operated and water resistant, the Underwater Disco Lightshow features a button that changes the patterns (some subdued, some dynamic), so you can alter the mood in an instant. What's more its curvaceous shape causes the lights to reach out to every corner of the bath. If you're feeling really decadent you could even plop this plastic doodah in your pool, pond or hot tub. Water based shenanigans will never be the same again.
The Underwater Disco Lightshow has been a real hit here at Firebox HQ. In fact we're standing here wrapped in towels having just emerged from our communal bath/disco. Invigorating? We spent the whole multicoloured soak thinking up water-based disco classics to shoehorn into this description. Sadly we could only come up with Car Splosh, Heaven Must Be Missing A Plughole and a few tunes by Splashford and Simpson. Suggestions welcome.
Whether you're chilling out or getting ready for a night on the tiles (no, not the bathroom tiles), this incredible device is guaranteed to add a mesmerising kaleidoscope of light to bathtime. So don't just sit in the tub twiddling your pruning thumbs; order an Underwater Disco Lightshow and Blame it on the Bathtub!
£24.99
Face Mat - Personalised Doormat Get some sweet, harmless revenge with our personalised doormats. Fancy mashing your muddy creps into your mates grinning mug? Or dragging your grotty stilettos over your ex? Of course you do - and now it’s possible with our personalised doormats!
Upload a photo of anyone you want and we’ll tile it over your very own doormat. Whether it’s your best mate, your ex, your worst enemy or your favourite person, we’ll print 'em so you can step on them every time you leave or enter the house.
No matter how enthusiastic you are about caking mud into them, your doormat will remain super easy to clean - just bung it in the washing machine at 30 degrees and it’ll be good as new, ready for more vengeful shoe cleaning. Not a lot we can do if you get so angry that you wear a massive hole in it though, other than suggest a course of therapy and some yoga.
READ ME! I’M IMPORTANT!
Based on 1 reviews Upload a photo of anyone you want and we’ll tile it over your very own doormat. Whether it’s your best mate, your ex, your worst enemy or your favourite person, we’ll print 'em so you can step on them every time you leave or enter the house.
No matter how enthusiastic you are about caking mud into them, your doormat will remain super easy to clean - just bung it in the washing machine at 30 degrees and it’ll be good as new, ready for more vengeful shoe cleaning. Not a lot we can do if you get so angry that you wear a massive hole in it though, other than suggest a course of therapy and some yoga.
READ ME! I’M IMPORTANT!
- Only upload photos with one face in them (no group photos please!)
- Photos showing more than one face may result in us having to delay or even cancel your order.
- Don't ruin Christmas by uploading photos with multiple faces in!
£29.99
Unicorn Tears Gin Liqueur This gin liqueur contains real Unicorn tears. Created by Firebox in a secret location, using our free range Unicorn herd and closely-guarded extraction process (patent pending).
For our second batch, we’ve refined and improved our emotion harvesting technology, resulting in a bittersweet gin experience and an iridescent glittery appearance that will blow your mind.
To give Unicorn tears their unique taste, we humanely force-feed these beautiful beasts entire wheelbarrows of citrus fruit, oranges, juniper berries, bunches of coriander, and sticks of liquorice. We then force down this concoction with a giant glittery pestle, like fantasy foie gras, and reap the tears as they fall.
You too can now embody the purity, power and potency of nature’s most sacred steed.
To unleash their magical powers: Swirl the bottle. Behold its shimmering majesty. Consume the mythical spirit.
Based on 3 reviews For our second batch, we’ve refined and improved our emotion harvesting technology, resulting in a bittersweet gin experience and an iridescent glittery appearance that will blow your mind.
To give Unicorn tears their unique taste, we humanely force-feed these beautiful beasts entire wheelbarrows of citrus fruit, oranges, juniper berries, bunches of coriander, and sticks of liquorice. We then force down this concoction with a giant glittery pestle, like fantasy foie gras, and reap the tears as they fall.
You too can now embody the purity, power and potency of nature’s most sacred steed.
To unleash their magical powers: Swirl the bottle. Behold its shimmering majesty. Consume the mythical spirit.
£29.99
Unicorn Tears Blackberry Gin Liqueur You might’ve heard: the guys at the unicorn farm messed up. Our herd of unicorns got fed a diet of fallen stars, causing their tears to be black, shimmery and delicious.
This magical gin liqueur is bursting with juicy blackberries, plump spicy juniper berries, fat bouquets of verdant coriander and glistening sticks of liquorice - not forgetting the sparkly fragments of the galaxy that crashed down to Earth to be ingested by these majestic beasts.
It’s true, shooting stars are packed full of glitter. The amount of shimmery stuff doubles when naturally processed by sad unicorns. The sorrow of having to munch their way through crispy space rocks before they can resume their normal diet increases the potency of glitter and deliciousness. That’s just #science.
Swish this around, watch the gorgeous glittery galaxy swirl into action like a holographic milky way, and give thanks to the unicorns who cried so that you might party hard.
Based on 2 reviews This magical gin liqueur is bursting with juicy blackberries, plump spicy juniper berries, fat bouquets of verdant coriander and glistening sticks of liquorice - not forgetting the sparkly fragments of the galaxy that crashed down to Earth to be ingested by these majestic beasts.
It’s true, shooting stars are packed full of glitter. The amount of shimmery stuff doubles when naturally processed by sad unicorns. The sorrow of having to munch their way through crispy space rocks before they can resume their normal diet increases the potency of glitter and deliciousness. That’s just #science.
Swish this around, watch the gorgeous glittery galaxy swirl into action like a holographic milky way, and give thanks to the unicorns who cried so that you might party hard.
£14.99
F**K The Game Yellow. Orange. P*ssy. Purple. Sh*t. Green...no wait...F**K!!
That's a short excerpt from a typical round of F**K The Game – the party card game that combines colours and swear words with good old-fashioned psychological mind-f*ckery.
Here's how to play:
Players take turns to flip over a card and yell out what they see. Depending on the nature of the card, you might have to say the background colour, the text colour or a swear word. You keep turning cards over and shouting until someone f*cks up and picks up the pile. The winner is the first player to get rid of all their cards.
It sounds relatively straightforward, but the cards employ a psychological phenomenon known as the 'Stroop effect'. In short, it massively messes with your head and slows down your brain's responses. No matter how quick-witted you think you are, this game will catch you out.
There are three extended instructions cards so once you’ve mastered the basics you can take the game to the next level by introducing a whole host of new rules – you can even create your own.
Based on 1 reviews That's a short excerpt from a typical round of F**K The Game – the party card game that combines colours and swear words with good old-fashioned psychological mind-f*ckery.
Here's how to play:
Players take turns to flip over a card and yell out what they see. Depending on the nature of the card, you might have to say the background colour, the text colour or a swear word. You keep turning cards over and shouting until someone f*cks up and picks up the pile. The winner is the first player to get rid of all their cards.
It sounds relatively straightforward, but the cards employ a psychological phenomenon known as the 'Stroop effect'. In short, it massively messes with your head and slows down your brain's responses. No matter how quick-witted you think you are, this game will catch you out.
There are three extended instructions cards so once you’ve mastered the basics you can take the game to the next level by introducing a whole host of new rules – you can even create your own.
£9.99
Racing Floaters
Based on 1 reviews No need to retrieve these fecal floating fellas from your bathtub. These adorable racing floaters are a solid source of bathtime entertainment, just wind them up and watch the little turbo-charged turds race across the water.
£15.99
Toilet Piano Mat Remember that classic scene from 'Big' when Josh and MacMillan are leaping about playing chopsticks on that enormous floor piano?
Now you can recreate that youthful exuberance and unhinged joy from the comfort of... your toilet!
The waterproof and slip-proof Toilet Piano Mat rolls out flat to reveal a set of large, foot-friendly piano keys for you to stomp upon. Perfect for having a casual tinkle, honing your musical abilities, passing the time, or just drowning out a chorus of earth-shattering flatulence.
The creators have even thrown in a song book and handy 'Do Not Disturb' sign - you know, for when you're composing your next movement.
Based on 1 reviews Now you can recreate that youthful exuberance and unhinged joy from the comfort of... your toilet!
The waterproof and slip-proof Toilet Piano Mat rolls out flat to reveal a set of large, foot-friendly piano keys for you to stomp upon. Perfect for having a casual tinkle, honing your musical abilities, passing the time, or just drowning out a chorus of earth-shattering flatulence.
The creators have even thrown in a song book and handy 'Do Not Disturb' sign - you know, for when you're composing your next movement.
£15.99
Sloth Chia Planter Fancy doing a spot of *yawn* lazy and *stretch* laid-back indoor gardening? It couldn’t be easier (or cuter) with our new Sloth Chia Planter
Liberally sprinkle his ceramic body with the included bag of seeds, add a splash of water, then your work is done. See? Laziest bit of home gardening ever! Within a matter of days, a lush green coat will begin sprouting. Watch it bloom a bit more every day, from a bit of seedy stubble to a luxurious layer of green goodness in just 2 weeks.
But what happens after you’ve harvested your first batch of tasty seedlings? Just pick up some more chia seeds from your local supermarket and you're ready to do it all over again!
Based on 1 reviews Liberally sprinkle his ceramic body with the included bag of seeds, add a splash of water, then your work is done. See? Laziest bit of home gardening ever! Within a matter of days, a lush green coat will begin sprouting. Watch it bloom a bit more every day, from a bit of seedy stubble to a luxurious layer of green goodness in just 2 weeks.
But what happens after you’ve harvested your first batch of tasty seedlings? Just pick up some more chia seeds from your local supermarket and you're ready to do it all over again!
£5.99
Marshmallow Willies We know what you're thinking – as penises go they're certainly on the small side and they're soft. But sprinkle a little sugar into the mix and these Marshmallow Willies will provide you with a pleasure beyond compare.
Cock-based confectionary at its absolute finest, these miniature members are willy delicious and the perfect mouthful for snacking on or sharing with your mates.
Based on 1 reviews Cock-based confectionary at its absolute finest, these miniature members are willy delicious and the perfect mouthful for snacking on or sharing with your mates.
£12.99
Plant Life Support We've lost count of the number of plants we've accidentally sacrificed over the years. Not enough water, too much water – we'd like to claim it's the plants being picky but we know we're wholly responsible for their pathetic demise.
Introducing Plant Life Support, the miniature lifelike IV drip for your houseplants! Pop it into a pot with the included stand, fill it up with water and it'll take care of the rest – slowly feeding your plant with just the right amount of water as and when it needs it.
It's the perfect gift for neglectful plant parents or for when you need to take a short trip away – especially when your neighbours are even worse than you are at looking after houseplants!
Based on 1 reviews Introducing Plant Life Support, the miniature lifelike IV drip for your houseplants! Pop it into a pot with the included stand, fill it up with water and it'll take care of the rest – slowly feeding your plant with just the right amount of water as and when it needs it.
It's the perfect gift for neglectful plant parents or for when you need to take a short trip away – especially when your neighbours are even worse than you are at looking after houseplants!
£19.99
Personalised Face Flip Flops
Based on 1 reviews These personalised face flip flops will ensure no one steals your shoes at the beach while you make awkward Tik Tok videos on the water’s edge. A fun addition to your summer wardrobe, they can be personalised with the face of your choice, from your own mug to the flawless visage of your celebrity crush.
These flip flops also make a wildly original gift for mates’ holidays, stag or hen weekends, and they’re available in three different sizes so no one gets left out.
£8.99
The Wallet Ninja 18-in-1 Multi-Tool Trained in a myriad of ancient arts (such as bottle-opening), the Wallet Ninja 18-in-1 Multi-Tool is here to help you tackle life's everyday battles.
Made from 4x heat-treated steel, it's a worthy instrument ready to be wielded by the ultimate Shinobi warrior. The well-chosen tools included are hex wrenches, a can opener/fruit peeler, bottle opener, ruler, letter opener, box opener, phone stand and a screw driver.
A sleek and agile master of stealth. You'll hardly know it's there lurking silently in the shadows of your wallet, waiting to emerge when you need it most.
Based on 1 reviews Made from 4x heat-treated steel, it's a worthy instrument ready to be wielded by the ultimate Shinobi warrior. The well-chosen tools included are hex wrenches, a can opener/fruit peeler, bottle opener, ruler, letter opener, box opener, phone stand and a screw driver.
A sleek and agile master of stealth. You'll hardly know it's there lurking silently in the shadows of your wallet, waiting to emerge when you need it most.
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