Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and what better way to get yourself in the mood than to take classic love stories and completely butcher them beyond all recognition? From the romantic, Shakespearean setting of Romeo and Juliet to the nostalgic throwback of Bridget Jones’s Diary, we’re setting them in 2022 to find out how the stories would change if they were to happen today.
Classic Love Stories with a Modern Twist – just like our Valentine’s Day Gifts
Our ability to turn the conventional into the unconventional does not stop at classic love stories. Our Valentine’s Day Gift Collection is packed full of quirky, cool, and unusual gifts that your other half will love, no matter how weird or wonderful they are. Celebrate your love story with a gift that is just as unique and loveable as they are.
6 Classic Love Stories If They Happened Today:
1. Romeo and Juliet
Instead of relying on a messenger on a slow-ass horse to let Romeo know that she wasn’t really dead, she would have just messaged him like “Hey babe. Not dead, just pretending, meet you later once I escape from this grave.” Then they would have headed off into the sunset on a Ryanair flight where they would split up three years later because, although Juliet was his type on paper, Romeo felt that he wasn’t quite ready to settle down.
2. The Great Gatsby
Jay Gatsby was the OG of social influencers. Think about it, he changed his name to make himself sound richer (the classic rebrand) so he could win back his lost love. He threw crazy parties and went out of his way to make sure the who’s who of high-society knew about them. His nouveau riche peacocking would make any Love Island contestant look like a coal-dusted street urchin. Of course, this extravagant lifestyle isn’t as wonderful as the rose-tinted filter of celeb culture makes it look, and this love story inevitably ends in tears. So, what would a modern-day Great Gatsby look like? Probably much the same, except it would all happen online and everyone would have terrible eyebrows.
If the Titanic set sail today, any retelling of its journey would be more of a cheerful segment on Coast than a heart-wrenching tragedy film. We’ve got pretty good radars nowadays, so the iceberg would have probably been avoided. On top of that, health and safety regulations mean that there would be enough lifeboat space for everyone on board. And if they still managed to crash, the GPS and rescue technology of today would have given the passengers a much greater chance of survival. Whether Rose would have ghosted Jack when they got to New York in favour of hanging out with rich ballers at da club, we’ll never know.
4. The Six Wives of Henry VIII
First of all, the biggest player in history would no doubt have social media followers into the millions, and judging by the unrealistic size of the codpieces he chose for his armour, we’re going to go ahead and assume that he would be using all the filters under the sun to make himself look flawless. If Henry VIII was around today, instead of beheadings and banishings, there would be a growing pile of divorce settlements that even Fiona Shackleton would raise her eyebrows at. After his latest love split, he’d then flood his insta with passive-aggressive inspirational quotes and hashtags such as: #thankyounext #selflove, and #lookslikemeatisbackonthemenugirls.
5. Wallis Simpson and King Edward VIII
We’re not sure how things would pan out today if a member of the British royal family stepped back from the monarchy to live out the rest of his days with his American wife…oh, wait.
6. Bridget Jones’s Diary
Despite only being released twenty years ago, Bridget Jones’s Diary is as out of place as some of the older entries in our list. It’s hard to know where to begin; the name would be Bridget Jones’s Blog for a start. There’s a lot of body shaming, single shaming and gratuitous cigarette smoking that doesn’t get much airtime in today’s society. And as for the workplace stuff…saying things like “No one ever gets sacked for shagging the boss” would get you a nice, little disciplinary meeting with HR.
Classic love stories deserve to be rewarded
Speaking of shagging, the sexiest day of the year is looming, so what mind-blowing gift have you bought your partner? Oh, you were planning to pick up some flowers and chocolates on the way home? ‘F’ for effort my friend. Get your lazy ass on to our Valentine’s Gift page and you’ll find so many thoughtful presents, you might even end up buying something for yourself too. They do say that you should ‘love yourself first’ so it’s only right.