£9.99
F*cking Strong Coffee Product packaging doesn't get much more honest than this. F*cking Strong Coffee – it is exactly as it sounds.
If you like your coffee strong (f*cking strong no less), then what else do you really need to know? Packed and roasted at our London roastery, this powerful brew is a complex and dark-roasted blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee. Full-bodied and f*cking flavoursome, with powerful notes of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice, complimented by a dense syrupy body.
Stop poisoning your body with unfulfilling freeze-dried rubbish and don't settle for whimpering brands that are afraid to give you what you really want, nay NEED. Make yourself a hot cup of F*cking Strong Coffee and kick-start your day with a potent dose of delicious caffeine-laden euphoria.
Based on 7 reviews If you like your coffee strong (f*cking strong no less), then what else do you really need to know? Packed and roasted at our London roastery, this powerful brew is a complex and dark-roasted blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee. Full-bodied and f*cking flavoursome, with powerful notes of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice, complimented by a dense syrupy body.
Stop poisoning your body with unfulfilling freeze-dried rubbish and don't settle for whimpering brands that are afraid to give you what you really want, nay NEED. Make yourself a hot cup of F*cking Strong Coffee and kick-start your day with a potent dose of delicious caffeine-laden euphoria.
£39.99
Crystal Ball Gin What mysteries lie ahead in 2022 and beyond?
Take your future into your own hands with our new Crystal Ball Gin. Just give the bottle a gentle swirl and as you lose yourself in the glistening, shimmering spirit... all will be revealed.
Proudly distilled in England, this enigmatic potion perfectly blends together notes of cherry and hibiscus for a delicately sweet and floral palette. While subtle hints of elderberry introduce a tart balance and endow the gin with its striking purple hue.
But that's not all – at the touch of a button, a light concealed within the base of the orb-shaped bottle illuminates the spirit to create a mystical glittery glow. Suffice to say, it's an otherworldly drinking experience and it deserves to be front and centre in your drinks cabinet - or at least in a prominent space to catch the eye of curious passers-by.
It's the perfect gift for gin connoisseurs, budding psychics, or anyone who's into fortune-telling and what mysteries the future may hold.
Based on 1 reviews Take your future into your own hands with our new Crystal Ball Gin. Just give the bottle a gentle swirl and as you lose yourself in the glistening, shimmering spirit... all will be revealed.
Proudly distilled in England, this enigmatic potion perfectly blends together notes of cherry and hibiscus for a delicately sweet and floral palette. While subtle hints of elderberry introduce a tart balance and endow the gin with its striking purple hue.
But that's not all – at the touch of a button, a light concealed within the base of the orb-shaped bottle illuminates the spirit to create a mystical glittery glow. Suffice to say, it's an otherworldly drinking experience and it deserves to be front and centre in your drinks cabinet - or at least in a prominent space to catch the eye of curious passers-by.
It's the perfect gift for gin connoisseurs, budding psychics, or anyone who's into fortune-telling and what mysteries the future may hold.
£29.99
Phoenix Tears Spiced Rum Welcome to our latest fantastical creation: Phoenix Tears Spiced Rum – a mythical alcoholic manifestation of this ancient beast and all of its legendary powers.
We've bottled their sorrowful syrup and produced this legendary elixir so that you too can invoke all of their extraordinary magic. Leave your old life behind, sip upon these Phoenix tears and resurrect yourself with all of its confidence, beauty and grandeur – and in some rare cases, its glorious crest feathers.
Like its fabled stablemate Unicorn Tears Gin, our closely-guarded extraction methods will remain a mystery for now. Just know that we've the mixed their tears into a premium Caribbean Rum carrying aromas of brown sugar and dried fruit blended with natural cinnamon and ginger to give it a sweet and spicy flavour. It's the missing mythical ingredient in your liquor cabinet.
Just give the bottle a shake and lose yourself as the shimmering golden embers swirl through an opalescent cosmos of dark and mysterious rum.
Based on 1 reviews We've bottled their sorrowful syrup and produced this legendary elixir so that you too can invoke all of their extraordinary magic. Leave your old life behind, sip upon these Phoenix tears and resurrect yourself with all of its confidence, beauty and grandeur – and in some rare cases, its glorious crest feathers.
Like its fabled stablemate Unicorn Tears Gin, our closely-guarded extraction methods will remain a mystery for now. Just know that we've the mixed their tears into a premium Caribbean Rum carrying aromas of brown sugar and dried fruit blended with natural cinnamon and ginger to give it a sweet and spicy flavour. It's the missing mythical ingredient in your liquor cabinet.
Just give the bottle a shake and lose yourself as the shimmering golden embers swirl through an opalescent cosmos of dark and mysterious rum.
£5.99
Marshmallow Willies We know what you're thinking – as penises go they're certainly on the small side and they're soft. But sprinkle a little sugar into the mix and these Marshmallow Willies will provide you with a pleasure beyond compare.
Cock-based confectionary at its absolute finest, these miniature members are willy delicious and the perfect mouthful for snacking on or sharing with your mates.
Based on 1 reviews Cock-based confectionary at its absolute finest, these miniature members are willy delicious and the perfect mouthful for snacking on or sharing with your mates.
£29.99
Unicorn Tears Raspberry Gin Liqueur There’s good news and bad news.
Bad news first: the guys at the unicorn farm messed up and fed half of our majestic mares a diet of juicy fat raspberries.
The good news? Turns out that it made their tears even more DELICIOUS. Second only to our Black Unicorn Tears gin. Or possibly the original.
Based on 1 reviews Bad news first: the guys at the unicorn farm messed up and fed half of our majestic mares a diet of juicy fat raspberries.
The good news? Turns out that it made their tears even more DELICIOUS. Second only to our Black Unicorn Tears gin. Or possibly the original.
£29.99
Flamingo Tears Gin Flamingos have by far the most fun collective noun in the entire animal kingdom – a flamboyance of flamingos! And now you can bring some flavoursome flamboyance into your home bar and cocktail repertoire with Flamingo Tears Gin.
This pink grapefruit-flavoured gin is made from the glittery tears of fabulous flamingos. It's a bold hit of bittersweet citrus blended with crisp and dry juniper aromas to create one seriously tasty gin. Just give it a swirl to whip up a shimmery coral-coloured haze.
Tastes delicious shaken up into a cocktail, served over ice or paired with a classic tonic.
Based on 1 reviews This pink grapefruit-flavoured gin is made from the glittery tears of fabulous flamingos. It's a bold hit of bittersweet citrus blended with crisp and dry juniper aromas to create one seriously tasty gin. Just give it a swirl to whip up a shimmery coral-coloured haze.
Tastes delicious shaken up into a cocktail, served over ice or paired with a classic tonic.
£14.99
F*ckboy Tears Gin Liqueur When he doesn’t believe in labels, starts speaking to you after months of silence, sends you ‘you up?’ or ‘Wyd? xx’ at 2 AM, begs for nudes and says all his exes are crazy… He’s a f*ckboy.
You don’t deserve that. So we made them cry, then we bottled their aching sadness.
All that sweet retribution turned their salty tears into a juicy passion fruit and mango flavoured shimmering gin liqueur with a 20% ABV. It’s the perfect partner for prosecco or tonic water and a slice of grapefruit. Swirl their tears around your glass to unlock their magnificent holographic shimmer, reassured at least a few f*ckboy's were harmed in the making of this mythical elixir.
Warning: drinking too much of this may lead to rogue ex-texting. Be on your guard.
Based on 3 reviews You don’t deserve that. So we made them cry, then we bottled their aching sadness.
All that sweet retribution turned their salty tears into a juicy passion fruit and mango flavoured shimmering gin liqueur with a 20% ABV. It’s the perfect partner for prosecco or tonic water and a slice of grapefruit. Swirl their tears around your glass to unlock their magnificent holographic shimmer, reassured at least a few f*ckboy's were harmed in the making of this mythical elixir.
Warning: drinking too much of this may lead to rogue ex-texting. Be on your guard.
£8.99
Instant Regret Chilli Chocolate Lollipops Within this unassuming matte black bag lies the world's hottest chilli chocolate lollipop. Well, two of them – one for you and one for your equally brave and foolish friend.
These mercilessly hot Instant Regret Lollipops are infused with our signature 6.4 million Scoville extract and guaranteed to cause immense physical and mental suffering. Just for reference, the humble jalapeño is a paltry 3.5 thousand Scovilles – childs play, a walk in the park.
But even the lightest, daintiest lick of these lollipops is like plunging your tongue into the roaring fires of hell. Or knocking back a shot of fresh lava. Or sucking on a red-hot branding iron. Yum!
Soooo why not challenge a mate and see who can hold it in their mouth the longest? Seems like a perfectly rational thing to do, right?
Based on 2 reviews These mercilessly hot Instant Regret Lollipops are infused with our signature 6.4 million Scoville extract and guaranteed to cause immense physical and mental suffering. Just for reference, the humble jalapeño is a paltry 3.5 thousand Scovilles – childs play, a walk in the park.
But even the lightest, daintiest lick of these lollipops is like plunging your tongue into the roaring fires of hell. Or knocking back a shot of fresh lava. Or sucking on a red-hot branding iron. Yum!
Soooo why not challenge a mate and see who can hold it in their mouth the longest? Seems like a perfectly rational thing to do, right?
£29.99
Unicorn Tears Blackberry Gin Liqueur You might’ve heard: the guys at the unicorn farm messed up. Our herd of unicorns got fed a diet of fallen stars, causing their tears to be black, shimmery and delicious.
This magical gin liqueur is bursting with juicy blackberries, plump spicy juniper berries, fat bouquets of verdant coriander and glistening sticks of liquorice - not forgetting the sparkly fragments of the galaxy that crashed down to Earth to be ingested by these majestic beasts.
It’s true, shooting stars are packed full of glitter. The amount of shimmery stuff doubles when naturally processed by sad unicorns. The sorrow of having to munch their way through crispy space rocks before they can resume their normal diet increases the potency of glitter and deliciousness. That’s just #science.
Swish this around, watch the gorgeous glittery galaxy swirl into action like a holographic milky way, and give thanks to the unicorns who cried so that you might party hard.
Based on 2 reviews This magical gin liqueur is bursting with juicy blackberries, plump spicy juniper berries, fat bouquets of verdant coriander and glistening sticks of liquorice - not forgetting the sparkly fragments of the galaxy that crashed down to Earth to be ingested by these majestic beasts.
It’s true, shooting stars are packed full of glitter. The amount of shimmery stuff doubles when naturally processed by sad unicorns. The sorrow of having to munch their way through crispy space rocks before they can resume their normal diet increases the potency of glitter and deliciousness. That’s just #science.
Swish this around, watch the gorgeous glittery galaxy swirl into action like a holographic milky way, and give thanks to the unicorns who cried so that you might party hard.
£39.99
Hot Ones Truth or Dab: The Game! If you've watched a few episodes of Hot Ones you'll be exceedingly familiar with 'The Last Dab'
Let's just say it's a disastrously hot eating experience - a right of passage (in every horrifying sense of the word). After the interviewees have endured an array of increasingly spicy sauces they're faced with the last Dab, the final hurdle in this ludicrous race. And now the notorious hot sauce has been turned into a game – Hot Ones Truth or Dab
Grab your most daring mates and get ready to battle your way through cringe-inducing trivia, and face up to some hard truths! With 250 cards worth of burning questions, you may find answering them less painful than suffering through a spoonful of the hottest sauce in the universe.
Want to know how to play? Give this video a lil' look - and who better to explain than Hot Ones' Sean Evans!
Based on 1 reviews Let's just say it's a disastrously hot eating experience - a right of passage (in every horrifying sense of the word). After the interviewees have endured an array of increasingly spicy sauces they're faced with the last Dab, the final hurdle in this ludicrous race. And now the notorious hot sauce has been turned into a game – Hot Ones Truth or Dab
Grab your most daring mates and get ready to battle your way through cringe-inducing trivia, and face up to some hard truths! With 250 cards worth of burning questions, you may find answering them less painful than suffering through a spoonful of the hottest sauce in the universe.
Want to know how to play? Give this video a lil' look - and who better to explain than Hot Ones' Sean Evans!
from £10.99
Hot Chocolate Bombes Powdered hot chocolate? Whatever you say, Grandma. There’s a new hot chocolate format on the scene and once you try it, you’ll never go back to Options.
Simply chuck one of these powerful bombs into hot milk and BOOM. No, not an explosion, but the thick Belgian milk chocolate slowly melts to create the perfect decadent cup of cocoa. There are three gourmet varieties to choose from - White Chocolate, Milk Chocolate, and a Great Taste Award-winning Vegan Dark Chocolate!
And that’s not even the best bit! Each hot chocolate bombe is filled to the brim with miniature marshmallows for an extra lick of soft, pillowy sweetness. Hot chocolate doesn’t get better (or easier) than this!
Based on 1 reviews Simply chuck one of these powerful bombs into hot milk and BOOM. No, not an explosion, but the thick Belgian milk chocolate slowly melts to create the perfect decadent cup of cocoa. There are three gourmet varieties to choose from - White Chocolate, Milk Chocolate, and a Great Taste Award-winning Vegan Dark Chocolate!
And that’s not even the best bit! Each hot chocolate bombe is filled to the brim with miniature marshmallows for an extra lick of soft, pillowy sweetness. Hot chocolate doesn’t get better (or easier) than this!
£11.99
Lil' Nitro - The World's HOTTEST Gummy Bear Right now you might be wondering why you only get one single gummy bear in the box. Just one?! But once you've tasted Lil' Nitro there'll be no doubt in your mind – only fear, regret and panic caused by the crazy pain you're experiencing!
Put simply, Lil' Nitro is the hottest gummy bear in the whole world This innocent-looking sweet treat has been infused with a 9 million Scoville chilli extract, making it 900 times hotter than a Jalapeño pepper.
Based on 2 reviews Put simply, Lil' Nitro is the hottest gummy bear in the whole world This innocent-looking sweet treat has been infused with a 9 million Scoville chilli extract, making it 900 times hotter than a Jalapeño pepper.
from £11.99
Spirited Coffee Take two of life's greatest pleasures – casually sipping a tumbler's worth of delicious booze and enjoying a damn fine cup of Joe – then combine them into one glorious hot drink and you've got our Spirited Coffee.
These unusual boozy infusions are made using hand-roasted Colombian Arabica beans and come in two equally indulgent flavours:
Whisky
Smooth and smoky sophistication in a coffee cup. All of the rich, oaky character of a cask-aged whisky, perfectly balanced with mellow notes of vanilla and dark forest fruits.
Dark Rum
Not just sugar, spice, and everything nice. This dark rum-infused coffee perfectly captures the real essence of the Caribbean spirit; with warm notes of toasted sugar, spiced caramel and a hint of smoked, dark chocolate.
Best of all, they're alcohol-free so you can enjoy them any time!
Based on 1 reviews These unusual boozy infusions are made using hand-roasted Colombian Arabica beans and come in two equally indulgent flavours:
Whisky
Smooth and smoky sophistication in a coffee cup. All of the rich, oaky character of a cask-aged whisky, perfectly balanced with mellow notes of vanilla and dark forest fruits.
Dark Rum
Not just sugar, spice, and everything nice. This dark rum-infused coffee perfectly captures the real essence of the Caribbean spirit; with warm notes of toasted sugar, spiced caramel and a hint of smoked, dark chocolate.
Best of all, they're alcohol-free so you can enjoy them any time!
£9.99
Grow A Dick
Based on 1 reviews Spicy bellend! No, it’s not an STD, it’s the organic produce from our super easy Grow A Dick Kit! This sassy little cube has a big surprise inside: spoiler alert, it’s everything you need to grow a girthy batch of capsicum annuum - AKA phallic chillies!
This is no bird-of-paradise-flower-situation, these spicy red numbers are unmistakably penile from head to shaft. Except for the little green bit on the stem, obvs. If you actually have one of those on your knob, please see a doctor, you may be at risk of being diagnosed as a plant.
All you have do to bring your willy chillies to life is open the cube and pour a little water on the pre-planted seeds. Pop it in a bright, warm place and keep watering every so often to keep them moist - in 12-18 days, you’ll be seeing a red cock rising out of the soil. Mental. In a few weeks, you could be slicing your very own scarlet bellend into a sexy stir fry! Nice.
When you’re ready to repot your plants into something more fitting (coming soon: the Firebox terracotta vagina), the magical eco-friendly cube will slowly decompose and turn into valuable coconut fibre fertiliser for the plant, enriched with all sorts of stuff that makes chillies fully erect big and handsome.
Now all you need is a pair of ginger balls to go with them for a culinary genital match made in Heaven.
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