Pierre The Penis Pillow

Fancy yourself as a bit of a Robert Langdon? Perhaps you think Dan Brown could have written a much better riddle (we do). Then why not invent your own cryptic code and make your next gift devilishly difficult to unlock.  

Just choose a secret word and follow the simple instructions and you’ll be able to turn gift giving or office parties into a Da Vinci Code themed event no one will soon forget, even if they desperately want to. Change the secret code as many times as you like; the five tumblers, each having a 26 letter alphabet, provide you with just under 12 million code possibilities.

This will give you plenty of scope to come up with something a little more complex than A-P-P-L-E…

Are your colleagues still coming up to your desk and asking you to do things for them, even though you told them you’re completely swamped with work? Are they flooding your inbox with reminders? 

Instead of telling them to p*** off and risk getting hauled into your manager’s office, try this mini ticket dispenser, a system tried and tested by butchers across the land. It comes with 100 paper tickets, and even a little electronic notice board to display the current number being “served”. 

What’s more, it includes a booklet outlining different ways to tackle common office distractions, like Karen from accounts asking you if you watched last night’s episode of The Masked Singer. 

You weren’t satisfied with regular Pierre. Even Giant Pierre wasn’t enough. And it’s not even worth mentioning the World’s Smallest Pierre. You like it large, we get that. So we’ve supersized everyone’s favourite adorable penis just to suit you.

Only he’s not so adorable anymore. Don’t worry, he’s still got his cute little face, just on a much much bigger appendage. He must have been flaccid before because now he’s four feet of pure magnificent shaft.

Quite possibly the biggest dick in the world, jumbo Pierre will keep you warm on long lonely nights for as long as you need him.

The aptly named ISAKOK Japanese incense sticks are a lie. Inside this cylinder is in fact a 2 and a half foot penis projectile, complete with hairy balls, that will launch itself into the face of anyone who releases it. The Cock Cannon prank gift is the perfect addition to hen parties, birthdays, or even Valentine’s Day (if you’re brave enough).

No need to retrieve these fecal floating fellas from your bathtub. These adorable racing floaters are a solid source of bathtime entertainment, just wind them up and watch the little turbo-charged turds race across the water.