Never battle with crowds, struggle for a seat, or have to hang about outside on the pavement just to enjoy your favourite beer again! The Fizzics DraftPour gives you nitro-style draft beer from ANY can or bottle. Even the cheapest economy lager can be instantly transformed into a luxurious draft pint with just one pull of the lever.
The DraftPour may be a sleek piece of kit, but it's deceptively high tech under the hood, applying sound waves to convert your beer's natural carbonation into a smooth micro-foam. These diddy little bubbles create the optimal density for enhanced aroma, flavour, and a silky smooth mouth-feel.
Get a fruit machine and a few boxes of pork scratchings in and you’ve basically completely replicated your local pub. Sticky bar-top and ancient, dubiously-stained carpet not included.
Using cutting-edge electromagnetic technology, this stylish geometric plant pot defies gravity and hovers your favourite houseplants in mid-air. As practical as it is attention-grabbing, the Levitos Plant Pot is designed to slowly rotate while suspended; this allows your plant to soak up sunlight from all angles and reduce lopsided growth. It's also just incredibly calming to watch!
Floating atop its classy walnut-look base, this futuristic fusion of nature and technology is the perfect statement piece for your home.
The bodhug Weighted Body Wrap uses the relaxing properties of gentle weight to loosen up tight shoulder, neck and back areas. The deep pressure from the weighted collar relaxes and stabilises the muscles which means less trips to the masseuse. Unlike an actual masseuse, the body wrap doesn’t care if you’ve shaved, make you wear those weird paper pants, or ask you awkward questions in a whispery voice - and best of all, you can wear it anywhere!
We're piously proud to present Inflatable Jesus, a 100% accurate replica messiah in all his beardy, robed greatness. Sure he's only 50cm tall but people were a lot shorter back in those days.
Cock-based confectionary at its absolute finest, these miniature members are willy delicious and the perfect mouthful for snacking on or sharing with your mates.
It may not be suspended in orbit around the Earth but you wouldn’t know it from the stunning level of detail on this 3D orb. You’ll be sat around wondering how the moon got inside your house and lamenting that it’s much smaller in real life.
With three different modes of illuminating action, it’s even more fun than the real moon. Just don’t expect it to wax and wane.
Pro Tip: Drape some black cloth over it to simulate your very own eclipse. Fascinating!
Celebrate the evolution of female pubic hair - in all of its beautiful forms - with the Muff Mug!
Featuring illustrations of 'classic' styles from au natural to waxes, vajazzles and beyond.
A birthday card like no other, treat your loved ones to a gift they'll always remember. Because they wont have a choice. Because it never stops playing. Give them the gift of a permanent ear-worm combined with extreme mental anguish. Don't worry, there's a safety tab so you can sign the card and test it before the fun begins.
Once opened, the Never-ending Birthday Card continues to play for up to three whole hours (though the one we foolishly tested played for five!). The music gets even louder if they try pressing the button inside to stop it, heck they can submerge the card in water – this relentless beast just keeps on jingling. Best of all, when the lucky recipient finally reaches breaking point and tries to rip into the card to destroy its circuitry they'll be greeted with a merciless explosion of glitter.
Needless to say, this is the best prank birthday card in existence.
Word to the wise:
- This card arrives packaged and needs to be opened and signed first before gifting
- Send it to yourself first before giving it to your unfortunate recipient
He’s no use when he’s all floppy, so fill him up with hot water before getting tucked up. Pro-tip: Tuck him down your pants to experience the thrill of having your very own obscenely large, hot dick.
He’s not just for show, it turns out the humble penis is the perfect shape for a hot water bottle, distributing that lovely warmth sideways through the balls and lengthwise through the shaft. Mmm, cosy.
Just try to ignore his weird little face and be thankful that real penises don’t have them. Mind you, if you were with a man who had a schlong that big, its little grin would be the least of your problems...
You need something to focus on, a relaxing task to really obsess over, you need... the Zen Garden.
After all, nothing calms the mind like raking patterns in soft sand, meticulously arranging four polished stones and attending to two tiny grass lawns. Seriously, get ready to totally fixate upon the Zen Garden and forget about all of your other troubles.
- Boss screeching in your face? Just reach for that sand rake
- Bills horrendously overdue? Shuffle around those stones for a bit
- Find out your partner's been having an affair for months? That tiny lawn could use a drop of water
Luckily, these adorable Peropon Drinking Animal Planters need next to no attention whatsoever. You can reap the benefits of oxygen-giving, sweet smelling miniature plants without lifting a single digit. All it takes is a sip of their tongue and the plants on their backs fill with delicious nourishment. They’re completely self-sufficient, unlike those other pesky house plants…so needy.
Choose from four different ceramic critters, each with their own type of plant perched atop their sweet little heads. These stubby-legged pets are ready to brighten up your desk or window sill. Their chirpy faces seem to say everything is going to be alright.
Prevent 'Baggage Reclaim' drama and make sure your bag stands out from the crowd by slipping it snuggly inside a Head Case. After all, nothing says "that's my luggage!" quite like a giant version of your own face, smiling back at you as it shudders round the conveyor belt.
Head Cases are made from durable polyester spandex so they stretch to comfortably fit over your bag. Simply upload a high-quality photo of your face (or a pal's) and we'll print them this striking personalised case cover.
One big face not floating your boat? Get loads of little versions of your lucky chosen face all over it instead with our brand new All Over Faces option.
Simply chuck one of these powerful bombs into hot milk and BOOM. No, not an explosion, but the thick Belgian milk chocolate slowly melts to create the perfect decadent cup of cocoa. There are three gourmet varieties to choose from - White Chocolate, Milk Chocolate, and a Great Taste Award-winning Vegan Dark Chocolate!
And that’s not even the best bit! Each hot chocolate bombe is filled to the brim with miniature marshmallows for an extra lick of soft, pillowy sweetness. Hot chocolate doesn’t get better (or easier) than this!
Featuring an acrylic wine ‘glass’ with a floating stem, the Vino2Go maintains an ideal temperature without condensation, while the silicone lid stops serious spills and pesky bugs from dive-bombing your booze.
Available in a host of colours, it’s great for when you want to wet your whistle without the unwieldy wineglass, and drinking from the bottle isn’t appropriate.
Spicy bellend! No, it’s not an STD, it’s the organic produce from our super easy Grow A Dick Kit! This sassy little cube has a big surprise inside: spoiler alert, it’s everything you need to grow a girthy batch of capsicum annuum - AKA phallic chillies!
This is no bird-of-paradise-flower-situation, these spicy red numbers are unmistakably penile from head to shaft. Except for the little green bit on the stem, obvs. If you actually have one of those on your knob, please see a doctor, you may be at risk of being diagnosed as a plant.
All you have do to bring your willy chillies to life is open the cube and pour a little water on the pre-planted seeds. Pop it in a bright, warm place and keep watering every so often to keep them moist - in 12-18 days, you’ll be seeing a red cock rising out of the soil. Mental. In a few weeks, you could be slicing your very own scarlet bellend into a sexy stir fry! Nice.
When you’re ready to repot your plants into something more fitting (coming soon: the Firebox terracotta vagina), the magical eco-friendly cube will slowly decompose and turn into valuable coconut fibre fertiliser for the plant, enriched with all sorts of stuff that makes chillies fully erect big and handsome.
Now all you need is a pair of ginger balls to go with them for a culinary genital match made in Heaven.
There’s no doubts about it, this bit of kit is gonna be your new best friend. The iDream Smart Eye Massager is designed to apply calming pressure and soothing heat to help alleviate the strain caused by excessive screen time and not enough sleep. And, unlike an actual (selfish) masseuse, it doesn’t need breaks or food. By encouraging blood circulation and blood vessel dilation, iDream can even help reduce dark circles, puffiness and dry eyes. It’s also got bluetooth so you can have your own tunes delivered straight to your ears to help you relax.