Are your colleagues still coming up to your desk and asking you to do things for them, even though you told them you’re completely swamped with work? Are they flooding your inbox with reminders?
Instead of telling them to p*** off and risk getting hauled into your manager’s office, try this mini ticket dispenser, a system tried and tested by butchers across the land. It comes with 100 paper tickets, and even a little electronic notice board to display the current number being “served”.
What’s more, it includes a booklet outlining different ways to tackle common office distractions, like Karen from accounts asking you if you watched last night’s episode of The Masked Singer.
We don't sell golden thrones or rent out teams of loyal manservants - but we know that every aspiring princess deserves their own set of fancy regal robes.
Now you can relax like royalty with our Personalised Luxury Princess Dressing Gown.
Possibly the softest, warmest, snuggliest garment in the entire known universe. Featuring a large hood (to leave room for your crown), as well as two deep pockets for all of your essentials - mobile phone, gold sceptre, share-size bag of Maltesers etc.
And that's not all, we can print the back of this luxurious dressing gown with any name you desire; your own, your kid's, your partner's - just hit the 'Personalise' button and we'll take care of the rest.
Whether you're having a sleepover with friends, settling down for a Disney marathon on the sofa, or going to get the morning papers - make sure you do it in style with our Personalised Luxury Princess Dressing Gown.
Put simply, Lil' Nitro is the hottest gummy bear in the whole world This innocent-looking sweet treat has been infused with a 9 million Scoville chilli extract, making it 900 times hotter than a Jalapeño pepper.
Set-up is simple and fast. Load the capacious cum-containers with whatever you want to spatter the lucky loser with. Spin the dial on the left ball to find out how many pumps you’ve got until touchdown. Do the same with the dial on the right ball to find out where you have to aim it, then pump away!
It’s basically raunchy Buckaroo, but instead of having loads of annoying plastic accessories to pick up off the floor, you just have to get stuck into a packet of wet wipes.
While no alcohol is necessary to have a ton of cheeky fun with Jizz: The Game, you can quadruple the banter by turning it into a drinking game. Take a shot every time your slutty mate takes a load to the face. Hilarious!
Or switch up your substance of choice for even more wacky ejaculation! Pour in glittery gin for a bougie blowjob, orange squash for a kinky sprinkle, or add flour and egg for the ultimate bu-cakey experience.
It’s a bit naughty, but you can handle it. Cum on, don’t be a wanker, it’s only some jizz!
Celebrate the evolution of female pubic hair - in all of its beautiful forms - with the Muff Mug!
Featuring illustrations of 'classic' styles from au natural to waxes, vajazzles and beyond.
This ingenious floating gizmo projects several seriously psychedelic multicoloured light sequences onto the bottom and sides of the bath. It's truly hypnotic, especially as the pulsating effects are distorted by the water in the tub. Put on some suitably upbeat music, dim the main light and strike that classic legs apart, arm in the air pose and you could be in Studio 54, albeit nude and soaked in hot water. Not such a bad thing in our book.
Battery-operated and water resistant, the Underwater Disco Lightshow features a button that changes the patterns (some subdued, some dynamic), so you can alter the mood in an instant. What's more its curvaceous shape causes the lights to reach out to every corner of the bath. If you're feeling really decadent you could even plop this plastic doodah in your pool, pond or hot tub. Water based shenanigans will never be the same again.
The Underwater Disco Lightshow has been a real hit here at Firebox HQ. In fact we're standing here wrapped in towels having just emerged from our communal bath/disco. Invigorating? We spent the whole multicoloured soak thinking up water-based disco classics to shoehorn into this description. Sadly we could only come up with Car Splosh, Heaven Must Be Missing A Plughole and a few tunes by Splashford and Simpson. Suggestions welcome.
Whether you're chilling out or getting ready for a night on the tiles (no, not the bathroom tiles), this incredible device is guaranteed to add a mesmerising kaleidoscope of light to bathtime. So don't just sit in the tub twiddling your pruning thumbs; order an Underwater Disco Lightshow and Blame it on the Bathtub!
Complete with three different mini-LPs, this turntable is truly teeny, tiny, and bags of fun. Just slot one of the ‘records’ onto the pin and give it a spin to hear 70s funk, classic rock, or a bit of good ol’ fashioned jazz.
But the fun doesn’t stop there - you can even customise it using the included stickers or swot up on your music history with the included 32 page book of fun facts about the best records of all time.
It’s even better than a real record player! Certainly cheaper, anyway.
Stash this cosy little llama in your pockets and you’ll never have cold fingers again. It’s like hiding your fingers in the crimped-looking fur of a real one, high up in the Andes with only a poncho to keep the rest of you warm. Not that that’s anything other than a mad stereotype.
Simply microwave him before you head out and he’ll keep your fingers functional better than a pair of gloves. Give him a squeeze when you feel the frost encroaching and you’ll never be numb-handed again!
No one knows the precise criteria for entering the gates of heaven (or hell), but we reckon a lifetime of tiny sins is basically the same as doing a murder – IT'S TIME TO REPENT!
Now you can share all of your darkest secrets with the World's Smallest Confession Booth. Just pop open the curtains, 'kneel' your fingers on the mini prayer cushion, spill the beans, and a concealed priest will mutter “You are forgiven.”
Job done. Now you can get back to lying to your partner and stealing stationery from the office.
Made from 4x heat-treated steel, it's a worthy instrument ready to be wielded by the ultimate Shinobi warrior. The well-chosen tools included are hex wrenches, a can opener/fruit peeler, bottle opener, ruler, letter opener, box opener, phone stand and a screw driver.
A sleek and agile master of stealth. You'll hardly know it's there lurking silently in the shadows of your wallet, waiting to emerge when you need it most.
Introducing Plant Life Support, the miniature lifelike IV drip for your houseplants! Pop it into a pot with the included stand, fill it up with water and it'll take care of the rest – slowly feeding your plant with just the right amount of water as and when it needs it.
It's the perfect gift for neglectful plant parents or for when you need to take a short trip away – especially when your neighbours are even worse than you are at looking after houseplants!
A super cool addition to any party, this reusable Ice Cooler bucket is moulded from ice and can be tailored to match any party theme.
If you like your coffee strong (f*cking strong no less), then what else do you really need to know? Packed and roasted at our London roastery, this powerful brew is a complex and dark-roasted blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee. Full-bodied and f*cking flavoursome, with powerful notes of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice, complimented by a dense syrupy body.
Stop poisoning your body with unfulfilling freeze-dried rubbish and don't settle for whimpering brands that are afraid to give you what you really want, nay NEED. Make yourself a hot cup of F*cking Strong Coffee and kick-start your day with a potent dose of delicious caffeine-laden euphoria.
You could tuck into a book with a glass of wine, surround yourself with candles and incense while listening to a podcast, binge-watch your favourite Netflix show while scoffing a bowl of M&Ms, or share an intimate bottle of Prosecco with your partner.
Made from sustainable bamboo, this smart bath caddy extends to fit all tubs and features a whole host of useful features to level up your bath times:
- A clever slot securely holds your wine glass so you can't knock it over
- The mid-section flips open to prop up books or tablets
- A recessed area looks after your soap and sponge - or a candle or two
- A pair of fold out legs transforms this bath shelf into a lap table for when you're not in the bath