Anniversary Gifts
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-15%
Special Price £8.49 Regular Price £9.99
4.2 /5
F*cking Strong Coffee Product packaging doesn't get much more honest than this. F*cking Strong Coffee – it is exactly as it sounds.
If you like your coffee strong (f*cking strong no less), then what else do you really need to know? Packed and roasted at our London roastery, this powerful brew is a complex and dark-roasted blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee. Full-bodied and f*cking flavoursome, with powerful notes of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice, complimented by a dense syrupy body.
Stop poisoning your body with unfulfilling freeze-dried rubbish and don't settle for whimpering brands that are afraid to give you what you really want, nay NEED. Make yourself a hot cup of F*cking Strong Coffee and kick-start your day with a potent dose of delicious caffeine-laden euphoria.
Based on 14 reviews (14) If you like your coffee strong (f*cking strong no less), then what else do you really need to know? Packed and roasted at our London roastery, this powerful brew is a complex and dark-roasted blend of Brazilian and Honduran Arabica Coffee. Full-bodied and f*cking flavoursome, with powerful notes of dark treacle, cocoa and liquorice, complimented by a dense syrupy body.
Stop poisoning your body with unfulfilling freeze-dried rubbish and don't settle for whimpering brands that are afraid to give you what you really want, nay NEED. Make yourself a hot cup of F*cking Strong Coffee and kick-start your day with a potent dose of delicious caffeine-laden euphoria.
-20%
Special Price £7.99 Regular Price £9.99
4.7 /5
Underwater Disco Lightshow 'Young man, there's no need to just scrub. I said young man, when you're bored in the tub. I said young man, you can sit there and blub, but it's fun to have a disco!' So sang a certain village-dwelling disco supergroup. Well, almost. The point being, disco-ing in the bath is truly entertaining. But how do you transform your bath into a disco without short-circuiting your mirrorballs? Easy, you buy the Underwater Disco Lightshow.
This ingenious floating gizmo projects several seriously psychedelic multicoloured light sequences onto the bottom and sides of the bath. It's truly hypnotic, especially as the pulsating effects are distorted by the water in the tub. Put on some suitably upbeat music, dim the main light and strike that classic legs apart, arm in the air pose and you could be in Studio 54, albeit nude and soaked in hot water. Not such a bad thing in our book.
Battery-operated and water resistant, the Underwater Disco Lightshow features a button that changes the patterns (some subdued, some dynamic), so you can alter the mood in an instant. What's more its curvaceous shape causes the lights to reach out to every corner of the bath. If you're feeling really decadent you could even plop this plastic doodah in your pool, pond or hot tub. Water based shenanigans will never be the same again.
The Underwater Disco Lightshow has been a real hit here at Firebox HQ. In fact we're standing here wrapped in towels having just emerged from our communal bath/disco. Invigorating? We spent the whole multicoloured soak thinking up water-based disco classics to shoehorn into this description. Sadly we could only come up with Car Splosh, Heaven Must Be Missing A Plughole and a few tunes by Splashford and Simpson. Suggestions welcome.
Whether you're chilling out or getting ready for a night on the tiles (no, not the bathroom tiles), this incredible device is guaranteed to add a mesmerising kaleidoscope of light to bathtime. So don't just sit in the tub twiddling your pruning thumbs; order an Underwater Disco Lightshow and Blame it on the Bathtub!
Based on 20 reviews (20) This ingenious floating gizmo projects several seriously psychedelic multicoloured light sequences onto the bottom and sides of the bath. It's truly hypnotic, especially as the pulsating effects are distorted by the water in the tub. Put on some suitably upbeat music, dim the main light and strike that classic legs apart, arm in the air pose and you could be in Studio 54, albeit nude and soaked in hot water. Not such a bad thing in our book.
Battery-operated and water resistant, the Underwater Disco Lightshow features a button that changes the patterns (some subdued, some dynamic), so you can alter the mood in an instant. What's more its curvaceous shape causes the lights to reach out to every corner of the bath. If you're feeling really decadent you could even plop this plastic doodah in your pool, pond or hot tub. Water based shenanigans will never be the same again.
The Underwater Disco Lightshow has been a real hit here at Firebox HQ. In fact we're standing here wrapped in towels having just emerged from our communal bath/disco. Invigorating? We spent the whole multicoloured soak thinking up water-based disco classics to shoehorn into this description. Sadly we could only come up with Car Splosh, Heaven Must Be Missing A Plughole and a few tunes by Splashford and Simpson. Suggestions welcome.
Whether you're chilling out or getting ready for a night on the tiles (no, not the bathroom tiles), this incredible device is guaranteed to add a mesmerising kaleidoscope of light to bathtime. So don't just sit in the tub twiddling your pruning thumbs; order an Underwater Disco Lightshow and Blame it on the Bathtub!
£19.99
4.9 /5
Pierre The Penis Pillow Meet Pierre, a giant cuddly penis that packs some frankly obscene girth. This stuffed cock is nearly 12 inches long and has slightly terrifying black little eyes that you could get lost in if you tried. We recommend you don’t try though. Explaining to a bystander why you were gazing longingly at a humongous plush chode is no mean feat.
Snuggle up with Pierre and rest your head on his lovely soft shaft - or keep him on your desk to make your colleagues INSTANTLY contact HR to voice their concerns. Treat yourself to this adorable addition to your plush collection - because you’re girth it.
Please note: this is not an accurate to scale version of a human penis. Thank god.
Based on 13 reviews (13) Snuggle up with Pierre and rest your head on his lovely soft shaft - or keep him on your desk to make your colleagues INSTANTLY contact HR to voice their concerns. Treat yourself to this adorable addition to your plush collection - because you’re girth it.
Please note: this is not an accurate to scale version of a human penis. Thank god.
£6.99
4.8 /5
Stressticles These are Stressticles. Stress Testicles. A lovely rubberised sack of balls to grab and manipulate to ease your anxious mind.
And they're therapeutic for both men and women!
For women:
When the moment strikes, just give these balls a pulverising squeeze and know that if this was real life, the owner of the testicles would be paralysed with fear and pain, dry-heaving and wishing for a swift death. What a calming thought.
For men:
Stop playing trouser billiards like a mucky little ape! It might feel wonderfully relaxing but it's horrific to watch. Keep your hands off your – in all probability – unwashed balls and relieve yourself with this rubber prosthesis instead.*
*although don't stop checking them for lumps n' that. Maybe do it in the shower.
Based on 26 reviews (26) And they're therapeutic for both men and women!
For women:
When the moment strikes, just give these balls a pulverising squeeze and know that if this was real life, the owner of the testicles would be paralysed with fear and pain, dry-heaving and wishing for a swift death. What a calming thought.
For men:
Stop playing trouser billiards like a mucky little ape! It might feel wonderfully relaxing but it's horrific to watch. Keep your hands off your – in all probability – unwashed balls and relieve yourself with this rubber prosthesis instead.*
*although don't stop checking them for lumps n' that. Maybe do it in the shower.
£9.99
4 /5
Toilet Bowl Light Drinking too much water, staring at phone screens late at night, those nightmares where you can't run/walk, snoring, stupid songs circling your mind, internal monologues and foxes rutting in the back garden. Something is going to wake you up.
Once you're awake, you now have a choice. Should you use this break in sleep cycles to use the toilet?
Yes you should. But the world is a dark place. Especially your bathroom. So what are your options? You can't turn the light on, that's mental. You'll be instantly and violently awake.
You could leave the lights off and try using instinct and porcelain echo feedback to find the centre of the toilet but it's way too messy. You need a 3rd way.
You need the Toilet Bowl Light.
It's light-sensitive so it will only turn on in the dark, and motion-activated so it will only light up when you walk into the bathroom at night.
It comes equipped with six colour options - single colour or cycling effect - and fits any toilet.
Now you don't need to shuffle nervously through the dark trying to avoid smashing your leg/shin against the toilet or apologise sheepishly to better halves when they inspect the erratic results of your night-time manoeuvres.
Let the Toilet Bowl Light take the toil out of the toilet.
Based on 2 reviews (2) Once you're awake, you now have a choice. Should you use this break in sleep cycles to use the toilet?
Yes you should. But the world is a dark place. Especially your bathroom. So what are your options? You can't turn the light on, that's mental. You'll be instantly and violently awake.
You could leave the lights off and try using instinct and porcelain echo feedback to find the centre of the toilet but it's way too messy. You need a 3rd way.
You need the Toilet Bowl Light.
It's light-sensitive so it will only turn on in the dark, and motion-activated so it will only light up when you walk into the bathroom at night.
It comes equipped with six colour options - single colour or cycling effect - and fits any toilet.
Now you don't need to shuffle nervously through the dark trying to avoid smashing your leg/shin against the toilet or apologise sheepishly to better halves when they inspect the erratic results of your night-time manoeuvres.
Let the Toilet Bowl Light take the toil out of the toilet.
£10.99
4.8 /5
The Wallet Ninja 18-in-1 Multi-Tool Trained in a myriad of ancient arts (such as bottle-opening), the Wallet Ninja 18-in-1 Multi-Tool is here to help you tackle life's everyday battles.
Made from 4x heat-treated steel, it's a worthy instrument ready to be wielded by the ultimate Shinobi warrior. The well-chosen tools included are hex wrenches, a can opener/fruit peeler, bottle opener, ruler, letter opener, box opener, phone stand and a screw driver.
A sleek and agile master of stealth. You'll hardly know it's there lurking silently in the shadows of your wallet, waiting to emerge when you need it most.
Based on 26 reviews (26) Made from 4x heat-treated steel, it's a worthy instrument ready to be wielded by the ultimate Shinobi warrior. The well-chosen tools included are hex wrenches, a can opener/fruit peeler, bottle opener, ruler, letter opener, box opener, phone stand and a screw driver.
A sleek and agile master of stealth. You'll hardly know it's there lurking silently in the shadows of your wallet, waiting to emerge when you need it most.
£8.99
4.7 /5
Edible Anus Birthdays, Christmas, Anniversaries, Valentine's Day – particularly sensitive times of year; get them the wrong present and you may never live it down, but get it right and you could be hailed as a hero for decades to come – this is where the Edible Anus works its dark magic.
One unassuming black box containing six identical gourmet milk chocolate sphincters. Each one carefully cast from the immaculate (well, we think it looks pretty tidy) anus of a kind, female stranger.
It might be the cheeky, often outlawed sex muscle but you can't deny that it's a powerful symbol of intimacy. And, given the right flavouring (in this case chocolate) the anus can be a highly decadent treat.
This is the year you open up to that special someone, spread the love, really spoil with them a spot of indulgent anal feasting. Let them know that your heart is in the right place with this thoroughly tongue-in-cheek gift.
Based on 16 reviews (16) One unassuming black box containing six identical gourmet milk chocolate sphincters. Each one carefully cast from the immaculate (well, we think it looks pretty tidy) anus of a kind, female stranger.
It might be the cheeky, often outlawed sex muscle but you can't deny that it's a powerful symbol of intimacy. And, given the right flavouring (in this case chocolate) the anus can be a highly decadent treat.
This is the year you open up to that special someone, spread the love, really spoil with them a spot of indulgent anal feasting. Let them know that your heart is in the right place with this thoroughly tongue-in-cheek gift.
£9.99
4 /5
Position of the Day: The Playbook Thought of the day. Word of the day. And now... Position of the Day!.
Bit of missionary, bit of doggy, bit of spooning, bit of reverse-cowgirl – isn't it time you mixed things up? (If you don't think so, they definitely do). This (s)excellent book contains 366 different positions to try with your partner – or Bumble date, willing stranger, sex doll etc.
Each position comes with a handy illustration, estimates of calories burnt, possible side effects (leg cramps, lawsuits etc.) and props required; there's also space for you to write in your own comments and ratings. Consider it your sexual experimentation bucket list! Now stop reading this and start doing the pretzel, the seashell, and the butter churner.
Based on 1 reviews (1) Bit of missionary, bit of doggy, bit of spooning, bit of reverse-cowgirl – isn't it time you mixed things up? (If you don't think so, they definitely do). This (s)excellent book contains 366 different positions to try with your partner – or Bumble date, willing stranger, sex doll etc.
Each position comes with a handy illustration, estimates of calories burnt, possible side effects (leg cramps, lawsuits etc.) and props required; there's also space for you to write in your own comments and ratings. Consider it your sexual experimentation bucket list! Now stop reading this and start doing the pretzel, the seashell, and the butter churner.
£10.99
3.7 /5
Incense House You've just come back from a long holiday, you step through the front and door and you think to yourself "wow, my house has a pretty strong smell."
It's usually a heady combination of trapped moisture, the last few meals you cooked, the laundry detergent you use and a few spider farts thrown in for good measure. Granted you don't even notice it after about ten minutes, but your curious and unique home scent remains – ready to be enjoyed (and ruthlessly judged in private) by your guests.
Needless to say, this minimalist Incense House is the stylish solution to this age-old problem!
Just pop one of the miniature incense cones inside, light it up and watch as swirls of smoke waft gently from the chimney – filling your home with a fresh (and long-lasting) sandalwood scent.
Based on 3 reviews (3) It's usually a heady combination of trapped moisture, the last few meals you cooked, the laundry detergent you use and a few spider farts thrown in for good measure. Granted you don't even notice it after about ten minutes, but your curious and unique home scent remains – ready to be enjoyed (and ruthlessly judged in private) by your guests.
Needless to say, this minimalist Incense House is the stylish solution to this age-old problem!
Just pop one of the miniature incense cones inside, light it up and watch as swirls of smoke waft gently from the chimney – filling your home with a fresh (and long-lasting) sandalwood scent.
-10%
Special Price £8.99 Regular Price £9.99
5 /5
Spreadable Gin We'd like to propose a toast... smothered with Spreadable Gin.
No longer confined to a cut glass tumbler mixed up with tonic water; our booze-infused preserve is one seriously versatile gourmet ingredient – spread it, drink it, bake with it, or gobble it straight out of the jar.
All of the alcohol is cooked off during the creation process so this heavenly ginjection won't give you a furious hangover!
Based on 2 reviews (2) No longer confined to a cut glass tumbler mixed up with tonic water; our booze-infused preserve is one seriously versatile gourmet ingredient – spread it, drink it, bake with it, or gobble it straight out of the jar.
All of the alcohol is cooked off during the creation process so this heavenly ginjection won't give you a furious hangover!
£9.99
5 /5
How To Live With A Huge Penis A quick Google search and you'll see that the average size of an erect penis is 5.1 inches. Not bad. But this book is aimed squarely at the powerful humans who vastly transcend this measurement; those exalted few who can actually testify to owning a one-eyed trouser snake, a third leg, a giant redwood, a pork sword.
How To Live With A Huge Penis explores and allays the daily struggles of this genetic marvel, with chapters covering all of the major issues including:
Based on 2 reviews (2) How To Live With A Huge Penis explores and allays the daily struggles of this genetic marvel, with chapters covering all of the major issues including:
- Unzipping: Coming Out to Your Friends and Family
- Care and Maintenance of Your Huge Penis
- Sharing Your Pain: Sexual Intercourse with a Huge Penis
- Dealing with Discrimination
- Big Blessings: Unexpected Advantages of a Huge Penis
from £149.99
5 /5
Fizzics Draftpour Nothing beats a freshly pulled pint in your favourite pub - except maybe a freshly pulled pint in your very own home.
Never battle with crowds, struggle for a seat, or have to hang about outside on the pavement just to enjoy your favourite beer again! The Fizzics DraftPour gives you nitro-style draft beer from ANY can or bottle. Even the cheapest economy lager can be instantly transformed into a luxurious draft pint with just one pull of the lever.
The DraftPour may be a sleek piece of kit, but it's deceptively high tech under the hood, applying sound waves to convert your beer's natural carbonation into a smooth micro-foam. These diddy little bubbles create the optimal density for enhanced aroma, flavour, and a silky smooth mouth-feel.
Get a fruit machine and a few boxes of pork scratchings in and you’ve basically completely replicated your local pub. Sticky bar-top and ancient, dubiously-stained carpet not included.
Based on 11 reviews (11) Never battle with crowds, struggle for a seat, or have to hang about outside on the pavement just to enjoy your favourite beer again! The Fizzics DraftPour gives you nitro-style draft beer from ANY can or bottle. Even the cheapest economy lager can be instantly transformed into a luxurious draft pint with just one pull of the lever.
The DraftPour may be a sleek piece of kit, but it's deceptively high tech under the hood, applying sound waves to convert your beer's natural carbonation into a smooth micro-foam. These diddy little bubbles create the optimal density for enhanced aroma, flavour, and a silky smooth mouth-feel.
Get a fruit machine and a few boxes of pork scratchings in and you’ve basically completely replicated your local pub. Sticky bar-top and ancient, dubiously-stained carpet not included.
£19.99
4.6 /5
Two Faced Mushion™ - Personalised Cushion Our bestselling Mushions are back - and this time they’re double sided! That’s right, you can now get a cushion of anyone’s face with a different image on each side, or even the same image, if you wanted.
Simply upload your pictures and we'll pop them on a delightfully squishy Mushion and send them on their way to you. Make sure the photos you choose are clear and not blurry or super pixellated - your Mushions will only be as good as the photos you submit.
What will you get on yours? Happy face and sad face? You and your partner? Your friend and their dog? Mum and dad? Your two best mates? Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby? The possibilities are endless!
Based on 7 reviews (7) Simply upload your pictures and we'll pop them on a delightfully squishy Mushion and send them on their way to you. Make sure the photos you choose are clear and not blurry or super pixellated - your Mushions will only be as good as the photos you submit.
What will you get on yours? Happy face and sad face? You and your partner? Your friend and their dog? Mum and dad? Your two best mates? Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby? The possibilities are endless!
£16.99
4.5 /5
Personalised Face Temporary Tattoos - Pack of 6
Based on 2 reviews (2) Not ready to get a tattoo on your face? How about getting one of your face instead? Much better. Just upload any face and we will turn it into a set of tattoos for you and your mates’ to enjoy. Turning up to an event with the host’s face tattooed on your arm will make a great start to any party.
£24.99
5 /5
Colour Changing Himalayan Salt Lamp Feeling like you've been put through the mill? Struggling with the daily grind? Our Colour Changing Salt Lamp is the missing piece in your mindfulness puzzle.
All you need now is a fistful of incense and a Tibetan singing bowl!
Based on 1 reviews (1) - Warm ambient glow - check!
- Soothing transitions between colours - check!
- Made from real Himalayan salt crystals - check!
- Packed full of mystical properties and health benefits* - check!
- USB-powered so you can enjoy all of the above wherever you are - checkedy check check check!
All you need now is a fistful of incense and a Tibetan singing bowl!
£29.99
5 /5
Unicorn Tears® Raspberry Pink Gin Say hello to batch 3 of Unicorn Tears® Raspberry Pink Gin, our otherworldly bestial elixir.
The new version of its iconic predecessor is a raspberry flavoured pink gin bursting with a rare breed of botanicals: juniper berries, mandarin, almond, raspberry, coriander and pepper, plus exotic horned melon, Buddha's hand and star fruit.
Refined emotion harvesting techniques deliver a purer, shimmering unicorn tear infusion.
Unique in every pour. Swirl to infuse and serve with classic tonic and fresh berries, sip over ice or get creative in cocktails.
The original shimmer spirit™
Based on 1 reviews (1) The new version of its iconic predecessor is a raspberry flavoured pink gin bursting with a rare breed of botanicals: juniper berries, mandarin, almond, raspberry, coriander and pepper, plus exotic horned melon, Buddha's hand and star fruit.
Refined emotion harvesting techniques deliver a purer, shimmering unicorn tear infusion.
Unique in every pour. Swirl to infuse and serve with classic tonic and fresh berries, sip over ice or get creative in cocktails.
The original shimmer spirit™
£34.99
5 /5
Personalised Luxury Princess Bathrobe
Based on 1 reviews (1) We don't sell golden thrones or rent out teams of loyal manservants - but we know that every aspiring princess deserves their own set of fancy regal robes.
Now you can relax like royalty with our Personalised Luxury Princess Dressing Gown.
Possibly the softest, warmest, snuggliest garment in the entire known universe. Featuring a large hood (to leave room for your crown), as well as two deep pockets for all of your essentials - mobile phone, gold sceptre, share-size bag of Maltesers etc.
And that's not all, we can print the back of this luxurious dressing gown with any name you desire; your own, your kid's, your partner's - just hit the 'Personalise' button and we'll take care of the rest.
Whether you're having a sleepover with friends, settling down for a Disney marathon on the sofa, or going to get the morning papers - make sure you do it in style with our Personalised Luxury Princess Dressing Gown.
from £19.99
5 /5
Mushions® - Personalised Face Cushions These aptly named 'Mushions' are wondrously weird. If there's as effective a conversation starter in the whole entire world as having your chops printed on a gloriously comfortable cushion, we're yet to hear about it.
Simply upload a good clear picture of the faces you desire and we'll transform them all into distorted and squishy cushions for you to do with as you please.
Coming to you in packs of one, two or three, these cosy cushions feature a black reverse and look best boasting a high quality image. What an earth are you waiting for? Mush some faces into your home-decor and never look back.
Based on 5 reviews (5) Simply upload a good clear picture of the faces you desire and we'll transform them all into distorted and squishy cushions for you to do with as you please.
Coming to you in packs of one, two or three, these cosy cushions feature a black reverse and look best boasting a high quality image. What an earth are you waiting for? Mush some faces into your home-decor and never look back.
£9.99
5 /5
Grow A Dick
Based on 1 reviews (1) Spicy bellend! No, it’s not an STD, it’s the organic produce from our super easy Grow A Dick Kit! This sassy little cube has a big surprise inside: spoiler alert, it’s everything you need to grow a girthy batch of capsicum annuum - AKA phallic chillies!
This is no bird-of-paradise-flower-situation, these spicy red numbers are unmistakably penile from head to shaft. Except for the little green bit on the stem, obvs. If you actually have one of those on your knob, please see a doctor, you may be at risk of being diagnosed as a plant.
All you have do to bring your willy chillies to life is open the cube and pour a little water on the pre-planted seeds. Pop it in a bright, warm place and keep watering every so often to keep them moist - in 12-18 days, you’ll be seeing a red cock rising out of the soil. Mental. In a few weeks, you could be slicing your very own scarlet bellend into a sexy stir fry! Nice.
When you’re ready to repot your plants into something more fitting (coming soon: the Firebox terracotta vagina), the magical eco-friendly cube will slowly decompose and turn into valuable coconut fibre fertiliser for the plant, enriched with all sorts of stuff that makes chillies fully erect big and handsome.
Now all you need is a pair of ginger balls to go with them for a culinary genital match made in Heaven.
£19.99
5 /5
Personalised Face Flip Flops
Based on 1 reviews (1) These personalised face flip flops will ensure no one steals your shoes at the beach while you make awkward Tik Tok videos on the water’s edge. A fun addition to your summer wardrobe, they can be personalised with the face of your choice, from your own mug to the flawless visage of your celebrity crush.
These flip flops also make a wildly original gift for mates’ holidays, stag or hen weekends, and they’re available in three different sizes so no one gets left out.
£19.99
4.9 /5
Jizz The Game We’re not going to beat around the cock bush: this is a game that involves wanking a big plastic dick to completion.
Set-up is simple and fast. Load the capacious cum-containers with whatever you want to spatter the lucky loser with. Spin the dial on the left ball to find out how many pumps you’ve got until touchdown. Do the same with the dial on the right ball to find out where you have to aim it, then pump away!
It’s basically raunchy Buckaroo, but instead of having loads of annoying plastic accessories to pick up off the floor, you just have to get stuck into a packet of wet wipes.
While no alcohol is necessary to have a ton of cheeky fun with Jizz: The Game, you can quadruple the banter by turning it into a drinking game. Take a shot every time your slutty mate takes a load to the face. Hilarious!
Or switch up your substance of choice for even more wacky ejaculation! Pour in glittery gin for a bougie blowjob, orange squash for a kinky sprinkle, or add flour and egg for the ultimate bu-cakey experience.
It’s a bit naughty, but you can handle it. Cum on, don’t be a wanker, it’s only some jizz!
Based on 12 reviews (12) Set-up is simple and fast. Load the capacious cum-containers with whatever you want to spatter the lucky loser with. Spin the dial on the left ball to find out how many pumps you’ve got until touchdown. Do the same with the dial on the right ball to find out where you have to aim it, then pump away!
It’s basically raunchy Buckaroo, but instead of having loads of annoying plastic accessories to pick up off the floor, you just have to get stuck into a packet of wet wipes.
While no alcohol is necessary to have a ton of cheeky fun with Jizz: The Game, you can quadruple the banter by turning it into a drinking game. Take a shot every time your slutty mate takes a load to the face. Hilarious!
Or switch up your substance of choice for even more wacky ejaculation! Pour in glittery gin for a bougie blowjob, orange squash for a kinky sprinkle, or add flour and egg for the ultimate bu-cakey experience.
It’s a bit naughty, but you can handle it. Cum on, don’t be a wanker, it’s only some jizz!
£14.99
4.7 /5
F*ckboy Tears Gin Liqueur When he doesn’t believe in labels, starts speaking to you after months of silence, sends you ‘you up?’ or ‘Wyd? xx’ at 2 AM, begs for nudes and says all his exes are crazy… He’s a f*ckboy.
You don’t deserve that. So we made them cry, then we bottled their aching sadness.
All that sweet retribution turned their salty tears into a juicy passion fruit and mango flavoured shimmering gin liqueur with a 20% ABV. It’s the perfect partner for prosecco or tonic water and a slice of grapefruit. Swirl their tears around your glass to unlock their magnificent holographic shimmer, reassured at least a few f*ckboy's were harmed in the making of this mythical elixir.
Warning: drinking too much of this may lead to rogue ex-texting. Be on your guard.
Based on 3 reviews (3) You don’t deserve that. So we made them cry, then we bottled their aching sadness.
All that sweet retribution turned their salty tears into a juicy passion fruit and mango flavoured shimmering gin liqueur with a 20% ABV. It’s the perfect partner for prosecco or tonic water and a slice of grapefruit. Swirl their tears around your glass to unlock their magnificent holographic shimmer, reassured at least a few f*ckboy's were harmed in the making of this mythical elixir.
Warning: drinking too much of this may lead to rogue ex-texting. Be on your guard.
from £10.99
5 /5
Hot Chocolate Bombes Powdered hot chocolate? Whatever you say, Grandma. There’s a new hot chocolate format on the scene and once you try it, you’ll never go back to Options.
Simply chuck one of these powerful bombs into hot milk and BOOM. No, not an explosion, but the thick Belgian milk chocolate slowly melts to create the perfect decadent cup of cocoa. There are three gourmet varieties to choose from - White Chocolate, Milk Chocolate, and a Great Taste Award-winning Vegan Dark Chocolate!
And that’s not even the best bit! Each hot chocolate bombe is filled to the brim with miniature marshmallows for an extra lick of soft, pillowy sweetness. Hot chocolate doesn’t get better (or easier) than this!
Based on 1 reviews (1) Simply chuck one of these powerful bombs into hot milk and BOOM. No, not an explosion, but the thick Belgian milk chocolate slowly melts to create the perfect decadent cup of cocoa. There are three gourmet varieties to choose from - White Chocolate, Milk Chocolate, and a Great Taste Award-winning Vegan Dark Chocolate!
And that’s not even the best bit! Each hot chocolate bombe is filled to the brim with miniature marshmallows for an extra lick of soft, pillowy sweetness. Hot chocolate doesn’t get better (or easier) than this!
from £10.99
5 /5
Peropon Drinking Animal Planter As 21st Century humans we can hardly take care of ourselves, never mind plants. What with the internet and trying to take the perfect selfie, our beloved greenery can often become neglected. Left on a windowsill to succumb to a slow death screaming "FEEED MEEE!"
Luckily, these adorable Peropon Drinking Animal Planters need next to no attention whatsoever. You can reap the benefits of oxygen-giving, sweet smelling miniature plants without lifting a single digit. All it takes is a sip of their tongue and the plants on their backs fill with delicious nourishment. They’re completely self-sufficient, unlike those other pesky house plants…so needy.
Choose from four different ceramic critters, each with their own type of plant perched atop their sweet little heads. These stubby-legged pets are ready to brighten up your desk or window sill. Their chirpy faces seem to say everything is going to be alright.
Based on 1 reviews (1) Luckily, these adorable Peropon Drinking Animal Planters need next to no attention whatsoever. You can reap the benefits of oxygen-giving, sweet smelling miniature plants without lifting a single digit. All it takes is a sip of their tongue and the plants on their backs fill with delicious nourishment. They’re completely self-sufficient, unlike those other pesky house plants…so needy.
Choose from four different ceramic critters, each with their own type of plant perched atop their sweet little heads. These stubby-legged pets are ready to brighten up your desk or window sill. Their chirpy faces seem to say everything is going to be alright.
£29.99
5 /5
Monster Mushions™ - Giant Personalised Face Cushion READ ME! I’M IMPORTANT!
Monster Mushions are ridiculously huge – warping your face (or someone else's) to an absurdly big 60x40cm cushion.
All you have to do is upload a high-quality, front-facing picture of the faces you desire and we'll transform them all into humongous cuddly cushions for you to do with as you wish.
These colossal cushions make the perfect personalised present for one of your big-headed mates, or a seriously unconventional house-warming gift.
Based on 2 reviews (2) - For best results, make sure your photo is as high quality as possible
- Photos without filters work best!
- Crop the shot down so we know whose face to use
Monster Mushions are ridiculously huge – warping your face (or someone else's) to an absurdly big 60x40cm cushion.
All you have to do is upload a high-quality, front-facing picture of the faces you desire and we'll transform them all into humongous cuddly cushions for you to do with as you wish.
These colossal cushions make the perfect personalised present for one of your big-headed mates, or a seriously unconventional house-warming gift.
£29.99
5 /5
Two Faced Monster Mushion™ - Personalised Face Cushion Need a cuddle but your favourite person isn’t around? Snuggle an absolutely massive version of their head - or flip it around and cuddle your other favourite person on the other side, you harlot. Yes, our Monster Mushions are back, and this time it’s personal they’re two faced: one picture on either side!
It’s never been easier to get anybody’s face on a mega-sized cushion. Just upload your pictures and we'll get them on a humongous, soft cushion and pop them in the post. Make sure the photos you upload are high quality (AKA not super blurry or pixelated) and the Firebox fairies will do the rest.
The perfect gift for a big-headed pal, someone who misses you, or anyone who might like a giant snuggly double sided face to squeeze.
Based on 2 reviews (2) It’s never been easier to get anybody’s face on a mega-sized cushion. Just upload your pictures and we'll get them on a humongous, soft cushion and pop them in the post. Make sure the photos you upload are high quality (AKA not super blurry or pixelated) and the Firebox fairies will do the rest.
The perfect gift for a big-headed pal, someone who misses you, or anyone who might like a giant snuggly double sided face to squeeze.
from £17.99
5 /5
Pet Mushion™ – Personalised Pet Cushion Pay tribute to your fur babies by turning their heads into adorable personalised cushions! Upload a picture of your four-legged friend (or anyone else’s!) and we’ll turn it into a cuddleable, squishy cushion.
Curl up on the sofa with a morphed mush of your pet’s face, or put it in their bed for meta pet-on-pet snuggling. Of course, the concept will be a bit lost on them, but we intelligent apes can have a good smirk about it.
Based on 2 reviews (2) Curl up on the sofa with a morphed mush of your pet’s face, or put it in their bed for meta pet-on-pet snuggling. Of course, the concept will be a bit lost on them, but we intelligent apes can have a good smirk about it.
from £27.99
5 /5
Pet Monster Mushion™ – Personalised Pet Cushion As if our Pet Mushions weren’t mad enough already, we decided to go super size! Our Pet Monster Mushions are GIANT cuddly cushions featuring the face of your fur baby.
All you have to do is upload a high quality photo and our team of pillow printing perfectionists will do the rest. Remember, no dodgy, blurry, low quality shots, or your Monster Mushion will be dodgy, blurry, and low quality too!
For maximum comedic value, we recommend getting one of these made of a chihuahua. But any pet will do, no matter how big-headed they are.
Based on 1 reviews (1) All you have to do is upload a high quality photo and our team of pillow printing perfectionists will do the rest. Remember, no dodgy, blurry, low quality shots, or your Monster Mushion will be dodgy, blurry, and low quality too!
For maximum comedic value, we recommend getting one of these made of a chihuahua. But any pet will do, no matter how big-headed they are.
