$12.99
How To Live With A Huge Penis A quick Google search and you'll see that the average size of an erect penis is 5.1 inches. Not bad. But this book is aimed squarely at the powerful humans who vastly transcend this measurement; those exalted few who can actually testify to owning a one-eyed trouser snake, a third leg, a giant redwood, a pork sword.
How To Live With A Huge Penis explores and allays the daily struggles of this genetic marvel, with chapters covering all of the major issues including:
Based on 1 reviews How To Live With A Huge Penis explores and allays the daily struggles of this genetic marvel, with chapters covering all of the major issues including:
- Unzipping: Coming Out to Your Friends and Family
- Care and Maintenance of Your Huge Penis
- Sharing Your Pain: Sexual Intercourse with a Huge Penis
- Dealing with Discrimination
- Big Blessings: Unexpected Advantages of a Huge Penis
$24.95
Rainbow Glitter Lava Lamp Retro 70s homewares are having a bit of a renaissance – which means Lava Lamps are officially back.
Simply plug in the Rainbow Glitter Lava Lamp and bask in its mesmerising glow as it creates swirly, sparkling patterns all over the walls of your home.
With it's iridescent brushed metal base and cap, it's sure to brighten up your living space - even if it's turned off!
Based on 3 reviews Simply plug in the Rainbow Glitter Lava Lamp and bask in its mesmerising glow as it creates swirly, sparkling patterns all over the walls of your home.
With it's iridescent brushed metal base and cap, it's sure to brighten up your living space - even if it's turned off!
$9.95
Toilet Bowl Light Drinking too much water, staring at phone screens late at night, those nightmares where you can't run/walk, snoring, stupid songs circling your mind, internal monologues and foxes rutting in the back garden. Something is going to wake you up.
Once you're awake, you now have a choice. Should you use this break in sleep cycles to use the toilet?
Yes you should. But the world is a dark place. Especially your bathroom. So what are your options? You can't turn the light on, that's mental. You'll be instantly and violently awake.
You could leave the lights off and try using instinct and porcelain echo feedback to find the centre of the toilet but it's way too messy. You need a 3rd way.
You need the Toilet Bowl Light.
It's light-sensitive so it will only turn on in the dark, and motion-activated so it will only light up when you walk into the bathroom at night.
It comes equipped with six colour options - single colour or cycling effect - and fits any toilet.
Now you don't need to shuffle nervously through the dark trying to avoid smashing your leg/shin against the toilet or apologise sheepishly to better halves when they inspect the erratic results of your night-time manoeuvres.
Let the Toilet Bowl Light take the toil out of the toilet.
Based on 2 reviews Once you're awake, you now have a choice. Should you use this break in sleep cycles to use the toilet?
Yes you should. But the world is a dark place. Especially your bathroom. So what are your options? You can't turn the light on, that's mental. You'll be instantly and violently awake.
You could leave the lights off and try using instinct and porcelain echo feedback to find the centre of the toilet but it's way too messy. You need a 3rd way.
You need the Toilet Bowl Light.
It's light-sensitive so it will only turn on in the dark, and motion-activated so it will only light up when you walk into the bathroom at night.
It comes equipped with six colour options - single colour or cycling effect - and fits any toilet.
Now you don't need to shuffle nervously through the dark trying to avoid smashing your leg/shin against the toilet or apologise sheepishly to better halves when they inspect the erratic results of your night-time manoeuvres.
Let the Toilet Bowl Light take the toil out of the toilet.
$116.99
Levitos Plant Pot Float your fern, suspend your succulent, elevate your Echeveria! Raise your houseplant game with our new Levitos Plant Pot.
Using cutting-edge electromagnetic technology, this stylish geometric plant pot defies gravity and hovers your favourite houseplants in mid-air. As practical as it is attention-grabbing, the Levitos Plant Pot is designed to slowly rotate while suspended; this allows your plant to soak up sunlight from all angles and reduce lopsided growth. It's also just incredibly calming to watch!
Floating atop its classy walnut-look base, this futuristic fusion of nature and technology is the perfect statement piece for your home.
Based on 1 reviews Using cutting-edge electromagnetic technology, this stylish geometric plant pot defies gravity and hovers your favourite houseplants in mid-air. As practical as it is attention-grabbing, the Levitos Plant Pot is designed to slowly rotate while suspended; this allows your plant to soak up sunlight from all angles and reduce lopsided growth. It's also just incredibly calming to watch!
Floating atop its classy walnut-look base, this futuristic fusion of nature and technology is the perfect statement piece for your home.
$29.99
Personalised Face Cooking Apron
Based on 3 reviews Whether it’s for home cooking or big garden parties, this Personalised Face Cooking Apron will lighten the mood when you inevitably overcook the steaks. You can add any face you like from your own to your giftee’s celeb crush, just upload the pic and we’ll take care of the rest!
$28.99
Moon Lamp It’s one small step for lamps, one giant leap for lamp-kind. This moon lamp is unlike anything else on this planet, quite possibly because it was modelled on something that isn’t on this planet.
It may not be suspended in orbit around the Earth but you wouldn’t know it from the stunning level of detail on this 3D orb. You’ll be sat around wondering how the moon got inside your house and lamenting that it’s much smaller in real life.
With three different modes of illuminating action, it’s even more fun than the real moon. Just don’t expect it to wax and wane.
Pro Tip: Drape some black cloth over it to simulate your very own eclipse. Fascinating!
Based on 1 reviews It may not be suspended in orbit around the Earth but you wouldn’t know it from the stunning level of detail on this 3D orb. You’ll be sat around wondering how the moon got inside your house and lamenting that it’s much smaller in real life.
With three different modes of illuminating action, it’s even more fun than the real moon. Just don’t expect it to wax and wane.
Pro Tip: Drape some black cloth over it to simulate your very own eclipse. Fascinating!
$17.95
Loud Mouth Voice Changer Sick of the sound of your own voice? Us too. Wait, not your specific voice, we meant... never mind.
With the Loud Mouth Voice Changer at your disposal you can instantly transform even the most tedious monotone drawl into a loud and exciting voice.
Just hold this mighty megaphone up to your lips, hold down the trigger and you're ready to begin your transformation. At the flick of a switch you have three different vocal styles to experiment with - male, female and robot!
Always fancied speaking like a Dalek? Need to leave your boss a terrifying anonymous answerphone message? The world is your oyster with the Loud Mouth Voice Changer!
Based on 1 reviews With the Loud Mouth Voice Changer at your disposal you can instantly transform even the most tedious monotone drawl into a loud and exciting voice.
Just hold this mighty megaphone up to your lips, hold down the trigger and you're ready to begin your transformation. At the flick of a switch you have three different vocal styles to experiment with - male, female and robot!
Always fancied speaking like a Dalek? Need to leave your boss a terrifying anonymous answerphone message? The world is your oyster with the Loud Mouth Voice Changer!
$25.99
Incohearent Lits got diss burr rad! Get it? No? Try saying it out loud. Let’s get this bread!
Draw a card and you’ll find a series of incomprehensible words - e.g. ‘though wok calves aim’. Say it. It sounds like ‘the walk of shame’! Don’t worry if you couldn’t work it out though, it’s written on the back of the card. Mind you, that doesn’t bode well for your performance in-game. You’ll have to tune your ears to ‘gibberish’.
With 500 cards and 3 categories to play through, you'll be mishearing stuff for years to come. It’s extremely fun, it’s exceptionally irritating, and it’s a portable game anyone can play. What more could you want?!
Based on 1 reviews Draw a card and you’ll find a series of incomprehensible words - e.g. ‘though wok calves aim’. Say it. It sounds like ‘the walk of shame’! Don’t worry if you couldn’t work it out though, it’s written on the back of the card. Mind you, that doesn’t bode well for your performance in-game. You’ll have to tune your ears to ‘gibberish’.
With 500 cards and 3 categories to play through, you'll be mishearing stuff for years to come. It’s extremely fun, it’s exceptionally irritating, and it’s a portable game anyone can play. What more could you want?!
$29.99
Heated Huggable Uterus Uterus?! Cuterus, more like!
Cosy up with this super soft and cuddly organ, and bask in its soothing lavender scent. It comes complete with fallopian tubes, ovaries, and a very cheeky smile!
Just pop this wondrous womb in the microwave and heat it up to take the edge off those painful cramps. And if the heat isn't giving you the fix you need, you can even freeze it for some sweet cooling relief!
We're not ovary-acting when we say it's the perfect present! Whether for your partner, your best mate, a new mum, a midwife, or just someone suffering from PMS who needs a hug. Everyone needs a cuddly uterus in their life.
Based on 1 reviews Cosy up with this super soft and cuddly organ, and bask in its soothing lavender scent. It comes complete with fallopian tubes, ovaries, and a very cheeky smile!
Just pop this wondrous womb in the microwave and heat it up to take the edge off those painful cramps. And if the heat isn't giving you the fix you need, you can even freeze it for some sweet cooling relief!
We're not ovary-acting when we say it's the perfect present! Whether for your partner, your best mate, a new mum, a midwife, or just someone suffering from PMS who needs a hug. Everyone needs a cuddly uterus in their life.
$9.99
How To Swear In Sign Language In the immortal words of Ronan Keating – "You say it best, when you say nothing at all"
We've all flipped the bird or a cheeky V, and most of the time that's all the situation requires – a mad moment of road rage, a useless co-worker leaving the room etc.
But if you yearn to expand your gesticular vocabulary, you need to get your hands on How To Swear In Sign Language.
This handy set of cue cards introduces 100 vulgar hand gestures; each one comes with simple illustrated instructions so you'll be signing Shit for Brains, Eat a Dick, Fuck Face and Cock-topus in no time.
Based on 2 reviews We've all flipped the bird or a cheeky V, and most of the time that's all the situation requires – a mad moment of road rage, a useless co-worker leaving the room etc.
But if you yearn to expand your gesticular vocabulary, you need to get your hands on How To Swear In Sign Language.
This handy set of cue cards introduces 100 vulgar hand gestures; each one comes with simple illustrated instructions so you'll be signing Shit for Brains, Eat a Dick, Fuck Face and Cock-topus in no time.
$21.99
The Scratch & Sniff Book of Weed The Scratch & Sniff Book of Weed is a sensory trip into the world of the green stuff.
Filled with 20 stirring scratch n' sniff scent pads, this chunky cardboard book explores the rich history and evolution of this wondrous drug. Covering all topics from the science behind the munchies (it's very real), the botanical link between beer and weed, and why smoking cannabis makes Pink Floyd sound so damned good.
Entertaining, informative (did you know you could nibble or sniff peppercorns to reduce the paranoia? Incredible.) and beautifully-illustrated — it's the perfect gift for total pot heads or those with just a little cannabis curiosity.
Based on 2 reviews Filled with 20 stirring scratch n' sniff scent pads, this chunky cardboard book explores the rich history and evolution of this wondrous drug. Covering all topics from the science behind the munchies (it's very real), the botanical link between beer and weed, and why smoking cannabis makes Pink Floyd sound so damned good.
Entertaining, informative (did you know you could nibble or sniff peppercorns to reduce the paranoia? Incredible.) and beautifully-illustrated — it's the perfect gift for total pot heads or those with just a little cannabis curiosity.
$19.99
Chia Saurus Planter The latest breakthrough in palaeontology has revealed that the mighty Tyrannosaurus looked a little different to how we previously imagined. Sure, it still had dinky little arms, a long tail and fearsome jaws – but now we know it was also covered in a lush and luxurious green fur-coat!
Celebrate this wild new discovery and bring a little prehistoric chic into your living space with the Chia Saurus Planter.
The kit comes with everything you need, simply cover this magnificent creature with moist chia seeds - add a little water and sunlight - and he'll be blossoming with a full bushy bodysuit within 1-2 weeks!
But what happens once you’ve harvested your first batch of tasty seedlings? Just grab some more chia seeds from your local supermarket and do it all over again!
Based on 1 reviews Celebrate this wild new discovery and bring a little prehistoric chic into your living space with the Chia Saurus Planter.
The kit comes with everything you need, simply cover this magnificent creature with moist chia seeds - add a little water and sunlight - and he'll be blossoming with a full bushy bodysuit within 1-2 weeks!
But what happens once you’ve harvested your first batch of tasty seedlings? Just grab some more chia seeds from your local supermarket and do it all over again!
$17.95
Plant Life Support We've lost count of the number of plants we've accidentally sacrificed over the years. Not enough water, too much water – we'd like to claim it's the plants being picky but we know we're wholly responsible for their pathetic demise.
Introducing Plant Life Support, the miniature lifelike IV drip for your houseplants! Pop it into a pot with the included stand, fill it up with water and it'll take care of the rest – slowly feeding your plant with just the right amount of water as and when it needs it.
It's the perfect gift for neglectful plant parents or for when you need to take a short trip away – especially when your neighbours are even worse than you are at looking after houseplants!
Based on 1 reviews Introducing Plant Life Support, the miniature lifelike IV drip for your houseplants! Pop it into a pot with the included stand, fill it up with water and it'll take care of the rest – slowly feeding your plant with just the right amount of water as and when it needs it.
It's the perfect gift for neglectful plant parents or for when you need to take a short trip away – especially when your neighbours are even worse than you are at looking after houseplants!
$15.99
Naked Ramblers Mini Planters What could be more liberating than a naked stroll in the woods with your nudist pals? Nothing but a nap-sack full of sandwiches on your back, fresh air circulating around your nether regions, just being at one with nature...
Naked Ramblers are way ahead of the curve, one day we'll all be doing it.
For now, you can dress up your houseplants with this cheeky set of free-loving explorers – a butt-naked reminder to get closer to nature. Oh and to make sure you do some occasional pruning.
Based on 1 reviews Naked Ramblers are way ahead of the curve, one day we'll all be doing it.
For now, you can dress up your houseplants with this cheeky set of free-loving explorers – a butt-naked reminder to get closer to nature. Oh and to make sure you do some occasional pruning.
$29.99
Face Mat - Personalised Doormat Get some sweet, harmless revenge with our personalised doormats. Fancy mashing your muddy creps into your mates grinning mug? Or dragging your grotty stilettos over your ex? Of course you do - and now it’s possible with our personalised doormats!
Upload a photo of anyone you want and we’ll tile it over your very own doormat. Whether it’s your best mate, your ex, your worst enemy or your favourite person, we’ll print 'em so you can step on them every time you leave or enter the house.
No matter how enthusiastic you are about caking mud into them, your doormat will remain super easy to clean - just bung it in the washing machine at 30 degrees and it’ll be good as new, ready for more vengeful shoe cleaning. Not a lot we can do if you get so angry that you wear a massive hole in it though, other than suggest a course of therapy and some yoga.
READ ME! I’M IMPORTANT!
Based on 1 reviews Upload a photo of anyone you want and we’ll tile it over your very own doormat. Whether it’s your best mate, your ex, your worst enemy or your favourite person, we’ll print 'em so you can step on them every time you leave or enter the house.
No matter how enthusiastic you are about caking mud into them, your doormat will remain super easy to clean - just bung it in the washing machine at 30 degrees and it’ll be good as new, ready for more vengeful shoe cleaning. Not a lot we can do if you get so angry that you wear a massive hole in it though, other than suggest a course of therapy and some yoga.
READ ME! I’M IMPORTANT!
- Only upload photos with one face in them (no group photos please!)
- Photos showing more than one face may result in us having to delay or even cancel your order.
- Don't ruin Christmas by uploading photos with multiple faces in!
$53.99
The Bath Butler - Bamboo Bath Board With The Bath Butler at your service, your bath is no longer just a bath - it's a relaxing paradise to suit all occasions and personalities.
You could tuck into a book with a glass of wine, surround yourself with candles and incense while listening to a podcast, binge-watch your favourite Netflix show while scoffing a bowl of M&Ms, or share an intimate bottle of Prosecco with your partner.
Made from sustainable bamboo, this smart bath caddy extends to fit all tubs and features a whole host of useful features to level up your bath times:
Based on 2 reviews You could tuck into a book with a glass of wine, surround yourself with candles and incense while listening to a podcast, binge-watch your favourite Netflix show while scoffing a bowl of M&Ms, or share an intimate bottle of Prosecco with your partner.
Made from sustainable bamboo, this smart bath caddy extends to fit all tubs and features a whole host of useful features to level up your bath times:
- A clever slot securely holds your wine glass so you can't knock it over
- The mid-section flips open to prop up books or tablets
- A recessed area looks after your soap and sponge - or a candle or two
- A pair of fold out legs transforms this bath shelf into a lap table for when you're not in the bath
$12.95
Llama Pocket Pal Warmer Stop trying to squash your hot water bottle into your coat pockets and start toting this little fella around. He’s light, he’s cute, what more could you want? Oh, and he keeps your hands as toasty as a mug of hot chocolate would. Can’t forget to mention that bit.
Stash this cosy little llama in your pockets and you’ll never have cold fingers again. It’s like hiding your fingers in the crimped-looking fur of a real one, high up in the Andes with only a poncho to keep the rest of you warm. Not that that’s anything other than a mad stereotype.
Simply microwave him before you head out and he’ll keep your fingers functional better than a pair of gloves. Give him a squeeze when you feel the frost encroaching and you’ll never be numb-handed again!
Based on 1 reviews Stash this cosy little llama in your pockets and you’ll never have cold fingers again. It’s like hiding your fingers in the crimped-looking fur of a real one, high up in the Andes with only a poncho to keep the rest of you warm. Not that that’s anything other than a mad stereotype.
Simply microwave him before you head out and he’ll keep your fingers functional better than a pair of gloves. Give him a squeeze when you feel the frost encroaching and you’ll never be numb-handed again!
$12.99
Underwater Disco Lightshow 'Young man, there's no need to just scrub. I said young man, when you're bored in the tub. I said young man, you can sit there and blub, but it's fun to have a disco!' So sang a certain village-dwelling disco supergroup. Well, almost. The point being, disco-ing in the bath is truly entertaining. But how do you transform your bath into a disco without short-circuiting your mirrorballs? Easy, you buy the Underwater Disco Lightshow.
This ingenious floating gizmo projects several seriously psychedelic multicoloured light sequences onto the bottom and sides of the bath. It's truly hypnotic, especially as the pulsating effects are distorted by the water in the tub. Put on some suitably upbeat music, dim the main light and strike that classic legs apart, arm in the air pose and you could be in Studio 54, albeit nude and soaked in hot water. Not such a bad thing in our book.
Battery-operated and water resistant, the Underwater Disco Lightshow features a button that changes the patterns (some subdued, some dynamic), so you can alter the mood in an instant. What's more its curvaceous shape causes the lights to reach out to every corner of the bath. If you're feeling really decadent you could even plop this plastic doodah in your pool, pond or hot tub. Water based shenanigans will never be the same again.
The Underwater Disco Lightshow has been a real hit here at Firebox HQ. In fact we're standing here wrapped in towels having just emerged from our communal bath/disco. Invigorating? We spent the whole multicoloured soak thinking up water-based disco classics to shoehorn into this description. Sadly we could only come up with Car Splosh, Heaven Must Be Missing A Plughole and a few tunes by Splashford and Simpson. Suggestions welcome.
Whether you're chilling out or getting ready for a night on the tiles (no, not the bathroom tiles), this incredible device is guaranteed to add a mesmerising kaleidoscope of light to bathtime. So don't just sit in the tub twiddling your pruning thumbs; order an Underwater Disco Lightshow and Blame it on the Bathtub!
Based on 8 reviews This ingenious floating gizmo projects several seriously psychedelic multicoloured light sequences onto the bottom and sides of the bath. It's truly hypnotic, especially as the pulsating effects are distorted by the water in the tub. Put on some suitably upbeat music, dim the main light and strike that classic legs apart, arm in the air pose and you could be in Studio 54, albeit nude and soaked in hot water. Not such a bad thing in our book.
Battery-operated and water resistant, the Underwater Disco Lightshow features a button that changes the patterns (some subdued, some dynamic), so you can alter the mood in an instant. What's more its curvaceous shape causes the lights to reach out to every corner of the bath. If you're feeling really decadent you could even plop this plastic doodah in your pool, pond or hot tub. Water based shenanigans will never be the same again.
The Underwater Disco Lightshow has been a real hit here at Firebox HQ. In fact we're standing here wrapped in towels having just emerged from our communal bath/disco. Invigorating? We spent the whole multicoloured soak thinking up water-based disco classics to shoehorn into this description. Sadly we could only come up with Car Splosh, Heaven Must Be Missing A Plughole and a few tunes by Splashford and Simpson. Suggestions welcome.
Whether you're chilling out or getting ready for a night on the tiles (no, not the bathroom tiles), this incredible device is guaranteed to add a mesmerising kaleidoscope of light to bathtime. So don't just sit in the tub twiddling your pruning thumbs; order an Underwater Disco Lightshow and Blame it on the Bathtub!
$34.95
PlayStation Alarm Clock Back in the day, you used to wake up and hit the PlayStation immediately. Straight on Crash Bandicoot, or Resi 2. Now you can literally hit the PlayStation when you arise. Because it woke you up.
Well, technically you’ll be hitting the controller, not the console itself. But the concept remains the same.
In case you hadn’t already gathered, this is an alarm clock in the design of a PlayStation controller. What a sick gift for gamers, or even just someone who longs for the trill of an authentic alarm clock rather than their iPhone’s ‘radar’.
We’re not about to put style over substance, though. This thing is USB powered (cable included), has a reverse LED screen with a backlight and makes classic beeping alarm sounds. Truly a digital alarm clock for the ages.
Based on 1 reviews Well, technically you’ll be hitting the controller, not the console itself. But the concept remains the same.
In case you hadn’t already gathered, this is an alarm clock in the design of a PlayStation controller. What a sick gift for gamers, or even just someone who longs for the trill of an authentic alarm clock rather than their iPhone’s ‘radar’.
We’re not about to put style over substance, though. This thing is USB powered (cable included), has a reverse LED screen with a backlight and makes classic beeping alarm sounds. Truly a digital alarm clock for the ages.
$16.95
F**K The Game Yellow. Orange. P*ssy. Purple. Sh*t. Green...no wait...F**K!!
That's a short excerpt from a typical round of F**K The Game – the party card game that combines colours and swear words with good old-fashioned psychological mind-f*ckery.
Here's how to play:
Players take turns to flip over a card and yell out what they see. Depending on the nature of the card, you might have to say the background colour, the text colour or a swear word. You keep turning cards over and shouting until someone f*cks up and picks up the pile. The winner is the first player to get rid of all their cards.
It sounds relatively straightforward, but the cards employ a psychological phenomenon known as the 'Stroop effect'. In short, it massively messes with your head and slows down your brain's responses. No matter how quick-witted you think you are, this game will catch you out.
There are three extended instructions cards so once you’ve mastered the basics you can take the game to the next level by introducing a whole host of new rules – you can even create your own.
Based on 1 reviews That's a short excerpt from a typical round of F**K The Game – the party card game that combines colours and swear words with good old-fashioned psychological mind-f*ckery.
Here's how to play:
Players take turns to flip over a card and yell out what they see. Depending on the nature of the card, you might have to say the background colour, the text colour or a swear word. You keep turning cards over and shouting until someone f*cks up and picks up the pile. The winner is the first player to get rid of all their cards.
It sounds relatively straightforward, but the cards employ a psychological phenomenon known as the 'Stroop effect'. In short, it massively messes with your head and slows down your brain's responses. No matter how quick-witted you think you are, this game will catch you out.
There are three extended instructions cards so once you’ve mastered the basics you can take the game to the next level by introducing a whole host of new rules – you can even create your own.
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