Snuggle up with Pierre and rest your head on his lovely soft shaft - or keep him on your desk to make your colleagues INSTANTLY contact HR to voice their concerns. Treat yourself to this adorable addition to your plush collection - because you’re girth it.
Please note: this is not an accurate to scale version of a human penis. Thank god.
Once you're awake, you now have a choice. Should you use this break in sleep cycles to use the toilet?
Yes you should. But the world is a dark place. Especially your bathroom. So what are your options? You can't turn the light on, that's mental. You'll be instantly and violently awake.
You could leave the lights off and try using instinct and porcelain echo feedback to find the centre of the toilet but it's way too messy. You need a 3rd way.
You need the Toilet Bowl Light.
It's light-sensitive so it will only turn on in the dark, and motion-activated so it will only light up when you walk into the bathroom at night.
It comes equipped with six colour options - single colour or cycling effect - and fits any toilet.
Now you don't need to shuffle nervously through the dark trying to avoid smashing your leg/shin against the toilet or apologise sheepishly to better halves when they inspect the erratic results of your night-time manoeuvres.
Let the Toilet Bowl Light take the toil out of the toilet.
This interactive wine gift is packed full of mind-boggling puzzles for you and your friends to grapple with. Work your way through four different stages to slowly reveal the numbers to the combination padlock - solve them all and you'll liberate the bottle of wine from its metal prison.
The secure cage will fit any regular bottle of wine, so once solved it can be re-gifted and used to imprison another unsuspecting bottle! Oh and don't worry, if you (or your lucky recipient) aren't up to the challenge, the solution is provided with the pack. Cheeeeat!
Some would say that these Personalised Face Socks are a bit much, and that’s exactly why you need them in your life. Whether you want to buy a pair for yourself or as a gift for your favourite person, this delightful wardrobe accessory adds a bit of personality to the dull world of foot fashion.
Simply upload a photo of your choice (making sure it follows our printing guidelines) then our wizards will turn your image into a multi-portrait masterpiece that will make you the envy of the world.
Spoil your feet with the ultimate Christmas treat – our personalised Christmas socks! Snap a photo of your choosing, and let work our magic, printing it on your preferred background. Now, the big question is: which Christmas character will you rock? Or perhaps you'd rather create the perfect customised gift by featuring your favourite face. Say goodbye to those mundane Christmas sock presents – this year, nobody will grumble about getting socks for Christmas!
Are your colleagues still coming up to your desk and asking you to do things for them, even though you told them you’re completely swamped with work? Are they flooding your inbox with reminders?
Instead of telling them to p*** off and risk getting hauled into your manager’s office, try this mini ticket dispenser, a system tried and tested by butchers across the land. It comes with 100 paper tickets, and even a little electronic notice board to display the current number being “served”.
What’s more, it includes a booklet outlining different ways to tackle common office distractions, like Karen from accounts asking you if you watched last night’s episode of The Masked Singer.
Are you bored at work? Would you rather be having a kickabout in the park with your mates? If you can’t skive off work, this penal-tea mug with a built-in football net is the next best thing.
And don’t worry - you won’t have to make a ball out of scrunched-up paper, because the mug comes with its own miniature football. All you have to do is decide what style of penalty you want to try - cheeky panenka or the run, skip and shoot favoured by Jorginho and Bruno Fernandes?
The best part is that when your manager walks by your desk and asks if you’re working on your goals, you can confidently say yes!
Indulge in a cocoa adventure with our Hot Chocolate Bombs!
Bursting with marshmallow magic and a sprinkle of gold fairy dust, these enchanting treats make sipping your hot chocolate an unforgettable experience. With three captivating colours to choose from, transform your cosy moments into whimsical wonders.
Get ready to sip, swirl, and sparkle.
Welcome to our latest fantastical creation: Phoenix Tears Spiced Rum – a mythical alcoholic manifestation of this ancient beast and all of its legendary powers.
We've bottled their sorrowful syrup and produced this legendary elixir so that you too can invoke all of their extraordinary magic. Leave your old life behind, sip upon these Phoenix tears and resurrect yourself with all of its confidence, beauty and grandeur – and in some rare cases, its glorious crest feathers.
Like its fabled stablemate Unicorn Tears Gin, our closely-guarded extraction methods will remain a mystery for now. Just know that we've the mixed their tears into a premium Caribbean Rum carrying aromas of brown sugar and dried fruit blended with natural cinnamon and ginger to give it a sweet and spicy flavour. It's the missing mythical ingredient in your liquor cabinet.
Just give the bottle a shake and lose yourself as the shimmering golden embers swirl through an opalescent cosmos of dark and mysterious rum.
Take your future into your own hands with our new Crystal Ball Gin. Just give the bottle a gentle swirl and as you lose yourself in the glistening, shimmering spirit... all will be revealed.
Proudly distilled in England, this enigmatic potion perfectly blends together notes of cherry and hibiscus for a delicately sweet and floral palette. While subtle hints of elderberry introduce a tart balance and endow the gin with its striking purple hue.
But that's not all – at the touch of a button, a light concealed within the base of the orb-shaped bottle illuminates the spirit to create a mystical glittery glow. Suffice to say, it's an otherworldly drinking experience and it deserves to be front and centre in your drinks cabinet - or at least in a prominent space to catch the eye of curious passers-by.
It's the perfect gift for gin connoisseurs, budding psychics, or anyone who's into fortune-telling and what mysteries the future may hold.
And they're therapeutic for both men and women!
When the moment strikes, just give these balls a pulverising squeeze and know that if this was real life, the owner of the testicles would be paralysed with fear and pain, dry-heaving and wishing for a swift death. What a calming thought.
Stop playing trouser billiards like a mucky little ape! It might feel wonderfully relaxing but it's horrific to watch. Keep your hands off your – in all probability – unwashed balls and relieve yourself with this rubber prosthesis instead.*
*although don't stop checking them for lumps n' that. Maybe do it in the shower.
The aptly named ISAKOK Japanese incense sticks are a lie. Inside this cylinder is in fact a 2 and a half foot penis projectile, complete with hairy balls, that will launch itself into the face of anyone who releases it. The Cock Cannon prank gift is the perfect addition to hen parties, birthdays, or even Valentine’s Day (if you’re brave enough).
This magical gin liqueur is bursting with juicy blackberries, plump spicy juniper berries, fat bouquets of verdant coriander and glistening sticks of liquorice - not forgetting the sparkly fragments of the galaxy that crashed down to Earth to be ingested by these majestic beasts.
It’s true, shooting stars are packed full of glitter. The amount of shimmery stuff doubles when naturally processed by sad unicorns. The sorrow of having to munch their way through crispy space rocks before they can resume their normal diet increases the potency of glitter and deliciousness. That’s just #science.
Swish this around, watch the gorgeous glittery galaxy swirl into action like a holographic milky way, and give thanks to the unicorns who cried so that you might party hard.
Luckily, these adorable Peropon Drinking Animal Planters need next to no attention whatsoever. You can reap the benefits of oxygen-giving, sweet smelling miniature plants without lifting a single digit. All it takes is a sip of their tongue and the plants on their backs fill with delicious nourishment. They’re completely self-sufficient, unlike those other pesky house plants…so needy.
Choose from four different ceramic critters, each with their own type of plant perched atop their sweet little heads. These stubby-legged pets are ready to brighten up your desk or window sill. Their chirpy faces seem to say everything is going to be alright.