That's a short excerpt from a typical round of F**K The Game – the party card game that combines colours and swear words with good old-fashioned psychological mind-f*ckery.
Here's how to play:
Players take turns to flip over a card and yell out what they see. Depending on the nature of the card, you might have to say the background colour, the text colour or a swear word. You keep turning cards over and shouting until someone f*cks up and picks up the pile. The winner is the first player to get rid of all their cards.
It sounds relatively straightforward, but the cards employ a psychological phenomenon known as the 'Stroop effect'. In short, it massively messes with your head and slows down your brain's responses. No matter how quick-witted you think you are, this game will catch you out.
There are three extended instructions cards so once you’ve mastered the basics you can take the game to the next level by introducing a whole host of new rules – you can even create your own.
Upload a photo of anyone you want and we’ll tile it over your very own doormat. Whether it’s your best mate, your ex, your worst enemy or your favourite person, we’ll print 'em so you can step on them every time you leave or enter the house.
No matter how enthusiastic you are about caking mud into them, your doormat will remain super easy to clean - just bung it in the washing machine at 30 degrees and it’ll be good as new, ready for more vengeful shoe cleaning. Not a lot we can do if you get so angry that you wear a massive hole in it though, other than suggest a course of therapy and some yoga.
READ ME! I’M IMPORTANT!
- Only upload photos with one face in them (no group photos please!)
- Photos showing more than one face may result in us having to delay or even cancel your order.
- Don't ruin Christmas by uploading photos with multiple faces in!
Naked Ramblers are way ahead of the curve, one day we'll all be doing it.
For now, you can dress up your houseplants with this cheeky set of free-loving explorers – a butt-naked reminder to get closer to nature. Oh and to make sure you do some occasional pruning.
We're piously proud to present Inflatable Jesus, a 100% accurate replica messiah in all his beardy, robed greatness. Sure he's only 50cm tall but people were a lot shorter back in those days.
This boozy optical illusion is guaranteed to make your dinner guests do a double-take while they rack their brains as to why there isn't wine pouring all over the table! The usual 'top' of the glass is sealed and the 'bottom' is open, while the main glass and stem remain hollow to accommodate all of that tasty vino.
Dirty door handles, bacteria-ridden buttons, crusty cash machines, mucky mobile screens – Germs. Are. Bloody. Everywhere.
It's inevitable we'll come into contact with them at some point. And then we'll touch our phone, or our face, or someone else's face. And the next thing you know the whole neighbourhood is coming down with a nasty cold.
Well not any more! Thanks to No Hands – the Non-Contact Hygiene Keyring made from antimicrobial copper.
And not just some cheap copper coating that'll scratch off in a matter of weeks, but pure solid copper that naturally kills microbes, bacteria and viruses within a few hours on contact. Gooo science!
Never mind keyring bottle openers, how about door openers? This neat little device is a germaphobe's dream – with an ergonomic hook to operate doors and handles, and a rubberised precision tip for pressing buttons and using your smartphone.
Always forgetting to go out with a bottle of hand sanitiser? No problem. This little guy slips comfortably onto your keyring so you can keep it with you at all times!
There are no two ways about it – this mug is covered with hundreds of micro penises. An inspired design that casually treads the fine line between subtle abstract masterpiece and horrendous phallic overload. Is it just us or does it have a bit of a Scandi vibe going on?
Best not to overthink it – it's a cup of dicks!
Introducing Plant Life Support, the miniature lifelike IV drip for your houseplants! Pop it into a pot with the included stand, fill it up with water and it'll take care of the rest – slowly feeding your plant with just the right amount of water as and when it needs it.
It's the perfect gift for neglectful plant parents or for when you need to take a short trip away – especially when your neighbours are even worse than you are at looking after houseplants!
Make the gifting experience begin before they’ve even opened the present with this Personalised Milestone Birthday Wrapping Paper. Simply upload a photo of the face you want to feature, choose the birthday age and we’ll do the rest, printing your design all over a sheet of high-quality wrapping paper in the colour of your choice.
Want to get yourself clean, have a good meal and do whatever you feel?
Well, you’ll have to sort out your own meal (try the YMCA - it’s fun to stay there apparently), but we can offer you this fabulous rose-scented bar of soap with GAY BAR on it.
Not only will the soap make you smell lovely in no time, it’s also guaranteed to make you smile (or groan) every time you reach for it.