Spicy bellend! No, it’s not an STD, it’s the organic produce from our super easy Grow A Dick Kit! This sassy little cube has a big surprise inside: spoiler alert, it’s everything you need to grow a girthy batch of capsicum annuum - AKA phallic chillies!
This is no bird-of-paradise-flower-situation, these spicy red numbers are unmistakably penile from head to shaft. Except for the little green bit on the stem, obvs. If you actually have one of those on your knob, please see a doctor, you may be at risk of being diagnosed as a plant.
All you have do to bring your willy chillies to life is open the cube and pour a little water on the pre-planted seeds. Pop it in a bright, warm place and keep watering every so often to keep them moist - in 12-18 days, you’ll be seeing a red cock rising out of the soil. Mental. In a few weeks, you could be slicing your very own scarlet bellend into a sexy stir fry! Nice.
When you’re ready to repot your plants into something more fitting (coming soon: the Firebox terracotta vagina), the magical eco-friendly cube will slowly decompose and turn into valuable coconut fibre fertiliser for the plant, enriched with all sorts of stuff that makes chillies fully erect big and handsome.
Now all you need is a pair of ginger balls to go with them for a culinary genital match made in Heaven.
This collection of funny visual puzzles has your keys hidden in a range of everyday and not-so-everyday environments. The perfect gift for anyone who’s always misplacing their keys...which is pretty much everyone, right? This search-and-find adventure will have you frantically flipping through page after page looking for those elusive keys. But be warned, if you're prone to forgetfulness, you might just misplace the book itself. Just remember to check under the sofa cushions, in the fridge, and in every handbag you own before you give up hope. Who knows, you might just find your keys and a few other things you've been missing along the way!
Imagine the surprise on your friend/lover/mother’s face when you announce that you’ve bought them a butt plug. Then, they unwrap what they think is a naughty gift, only to let out a massive groan, because what you’ve actually given them is a bum -shaped sink plug.
But once the lameness of your punny present sinks in, they’ll soon realise what a practical gift it is - the (rear) end to their leaky sink problems!